And yet, I will trust ...

Two brothers both announcing that doctors have given them months to live; bodies full of cancer. A family mourns the death of their second son, in less than a year; a daughter receives a phone call that her dad may not wake from a fall on the ice; and then this morning I receive an email from a dear lady that the doctors prediction of her mom 'only having a few weeks left" came true; she died yesterday and service is on Friday. So many heavy hearts, so many lives mourning and questioning "Why Lord?"

We all know people who are hurting and we have all been hurt. Some are still hurting and some have overcome the last dark valley. And yet, will we say "I trust you Lord?"

Last night I had a wonderful evening of fun, food and worship; and despite feeling sick from the yearly winter cold, I was able to hear from Father.

We sang the song that makes me think the most "Blessed be your name".
I no longer sing words that I do not mean or cannot sing wholeheartedly. When verse two came, and the words say, Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering .... I cant always sing that song.
I trust in you Lord, but I dont always want to be rejoicing about the hurts. And you know what? That is ok. Father is ok with me not pretending.

He does give and take away; He does heal some and not others; He does allow sin, sickness and suffering; AND, I will always trust in Him, but I cant always sing and rejoice about it. And, that's okay.

I come back to the three things that I hold dear to: My God is love; He is Faithful and He is in control. And when life seems hard, and friends are hurting; I can rest knowing He has it. God is still God and He is on the throne!

And, when my heart hurts, and the regrets fill my head - I choose truth. i choose life.
I will trust in Him. For He is worthy of all praise.

Til Next Time
Jacqueline

Promises From Romans 8

In one chapter of the Bible there are many many promises that we as Children of God can claim, hold and hang on to ...
1 NO condemnation; are IN Christ
2 set free
3 spirit of God dwells in US; one with Christ
4 daughters and sons of Gods
5 joint heirs with Christ
6 adopted children of God
7 HIS glory is revealed in us
8 in freedom, are free
9 we have the FIRST fruits of the Spirit
10 WE have BEEN saved
11 we have HOPE
12 Spirit helps in our weaknesses
13 Spirit intercedes for us
14 God causes ALL things to work together for good
15 we are being conformed into HIS image
16 we are chosen and predestined
17 God is FOR US
18 NOTHING NOONE will separate us from the love of God
19 We are more than conquerors
20 we are sealed and loved forever!


So many things to be thankful for. Thank you Savior for coming to earth for us.

Til next time

Jacqueline

Away in a Manger

Yesterday Pastor Craig Groeschel gave a challenging sermon in his part 3 of the series Christmas Carols. It has lingered with me throughout yesterday and again today. (If you would like to watch it; check out Lifespringcf website or lifechurch.tv)

The challenge was regarding lordship of our lives and I know for me, I left really pondering the couple things I was still hanging on to.

Craig's point hit home when he gave his own version of Proverbs 3:5&6
It went something like this: "Trust in the Lord with some of your heart; and lean on your own understanding. In all your own acknowledge part of Him, and you can direct your own path." (Craig referred to this as the partially surrendered version).

He also drove the point home, but tearing pages from an old Bible. He was blunt with his challenge. Why would we be shocked at his tearing pages from the Bible, when there are times we ignore portions of God's word all the time? We might as well tear those pages out if we are not going to obey them, and learn from what those portions says.

That little babe who was born and spent his first night in a feeding trough; is LORD of all creation. Will we let Him be Lord?; Will we let him be where He belongs in our lives? That is more then central, but LORD; the lifesource of all we do and say. And further more, its not really about whether we let Him be or not; He IS LORD , whether we "let Him be or not".

I believe there is always more we can surrender; and more Father asks us to step away from and let Him be in the drivers seat about.

Philippians 2:6-8 NASB "... who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

Do you see His willingness to give up everything. He was God, but did not cling to all the rights that came with being God. He held on to no rights - He let go!

What does verse 5 say to us? "Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus". It says that we are to have the same mindset as Jesus. To give up ALL rights.

Will we be partially surrendered to Him? The one who loves us, died for us, came to give us new life? or will we be totally surrendered, letting go of all of our "rights" that we think we have a right to hang on to. Will we let "the little LORD Jesus" be in His rightful place?

Til next time,
Jacqueline

Christmas

Today as I was cleaning up my desk, listening to Christmas music; I have been dwelling on something. Wouldn’t it be seen as strange, if I was to help plan; shop for; hand out invites to and even attend a birthday party and yet failed to recognize the special birthday person?

Wouldn’t it be stranger yet, if I didn’t know the person whose birthday we were celebrating; and yet demanded something from him in return for “all my efforts at being good all year?” But, is this not what happens every year around this time?

I have noticed the increase in Christmas advertisements, Christmas carols being sung and Christmas parades that are happening all in attempt to get us ready to celebrate “Christmas”. And yet, I find it sad that many people get so “into” this special season; but fail to embrace the real meaning of why we celebrate.

I understand we have just began Advent; and to be completely honest, I have never taken time to really study that out; but I do know that this month, in the midst of gatherings; parties; parades and decorations; I am purposing to keep my eye on The Child; the true “reason for the season.”

For without Christ; there would have been no cross! And without the cross; we would be guilty, condemned and the old us walking around trying to do life on our own – with no real answer or cure.

I am thankful for the cross; for Christ our Saviour – the Messiah who came for us; and that He has made us new creations. That who we used to be are no longer; but NOW we are (I am - Jacqueline) – ones who are redeemed, accepted, loved and blameless in Him.


I pray a very special Christmas Blessing to you and your loved ones.

In Him

Jacqueline

In The Dark

Last Sunday a friend told me of her experience eating at a restaurant in the dark. The complete meal was in complete darkness. Little did she know that while sharing her experience with me, she was playing a significant role in the answer to a conversation that I had been having on going with Father for over a week.

I had been on a search to better understand and empathize with those around me. I had this overwhelming desire to better understand life from those in my life/family who don't/cannot seem to understand.

It is not complicated; in fact it is rather simple really: they simply can not see. They dont have eyes for the truth right now. They are blind. So, in loving kindness,I need to continue to love them, be a guide and draw them in.

Thanks Michele!

That's all for now!
Jacqueline

Seeing Joy In The Rain

On the way to work today,I saw a young disabled man and while everyone else was running to get out of the pouring rain; he was standing there with both hands outreached and he had the BIGGEST smile on his face. I couldn't help but think, now HE knows how to embrace the storms! Thanks Father for a reminder.


Sounds like a song doesnt it? (Praise You In The Storm by Casting Crowns)


That's all for now

Jacqueline

An Itsy Bitsy Spider ...

Today as I was driving to visit friends on the farm; I looked at my side mirror on the driver's side and noticed a spider hanging in the wind. The poor thing would take a couple "steps" up the web to try and get to the shelter of the mirror, and then the force of the wind would push it down again.

At one point, I looked over and the web was barely hanging on to the mirror, and I knew that soon the entire web would go flying. As I slowed down at the lights the spider frantically tried once again to get inside the mirror for shelter; but as I sped up - the battle was over ... and into the air the spider flew; web and all.

Why do I write about this? As I watched this little spider fight to hang on, I realized that it was a true picture for me in my tough times. An effort to hang on to truth is needed; but unlike the spider, I don't have to be so worried about hanging on to Jesus; as He has a hold of me, and is never letting me go. He is the rock; the shelter in the storm.

Thank you Father that in the wind of the storms; you are the shelter that we need.

Til Next time,

Jacqueline

Today I Choose ...

Last year at this time I had a choice to make. I could choose to fall into a bit of a pit or I could choose to be thankful. This year I have the same choice to make.

My children just went off with their dad to have a Thanksgiving dinner with grandparents and cousins. I will be honest with you; I wish I could have gone as well. I am aware the marriage is over (its been more than 6yrs now), but it would have been nice to spend an evening together, even just one more time. It was 19 years ago we walked down the aisle, making promises to each other and to God in front of family and friends. Songs that were sung including "We'll Build a Household of Faith" and "Find Us Faithful". Friends giving their best wishes on video tape; and even a great aunt caught on tape losing her dentures .... lots of memories to hold on to.
It didnt end how we thought, but I no longer regret. I loved you how I knew. I will choose to be thankful for what we did have, and from that who I am now.

I will forever be somewhat sad about how things ended, but today I am going to write a letter to the people who have impacted my life. I will not mention names, but you know who you are. To my friends (old and new) and my family ....

To the one who believed in me, who accepted me warts, disabilities and all - Thank you.
To the one who accepted me into the family ... thank you
To the one who doesnt let religion/family backgrounds ever be a barrior .. Thank you
To the one who gave me the "Crying chair" whenever needed ... Thank you
To the one who encouraged me to go back to school - Thank you
To the staff and students at EBC ... you loved me, encouraged me, listened to me and taught me (even though I was the old mom in the class).. Thank you!
To the one who called to check on the facts before believing the lies - Thank you
To the ones who have come on as my support team in ministry ... Thank you
To those who send notes, emails and small gifts to encourage me .. Thankyou
To the ones who let me cry - Thank you
To the ones at KLBS that showed me I had something to offer - Thank you
To the one who believed my story and worked through it with me.. Thank you
To the one who created a job just when I needed one ... Thank you
To the one who encouraged me to pursue God's call - Thank you
To the one who gave me a chance - Thank you
To the neighbours who wouldnt let me make the bad choices ... thank you
To the one who listened and talked - Thank you
To tne one who helped me clean up the bedroom ... Thank you
To the one who called to tell me about Crossways to Life ... Thank you
To the ones who tried to confront ... thank you
To the two who showed me hope and heard me enough to have me come back .. thank you
To the ones who helped me get the house/garage in order ... thank you
To the ones who I have hurt - I am sorry. Thank you for loving me.
To the one who bought me a ring, a couch and a bed ... Thank you
To the one who forgave me for how I hurt her and called me "Jack" - thank you for being my friend again (or still?)
To the one who let me love her children even when "boundaries" should have been no .. Thank you
To the ones who have loved me even when I pushed away in order to protect me .. thank you
To those who never gave up on me .. Thank you
To the one who said "yes you belong with us" ... Thank you
To the one who says "I see potential in you" - thank you
To the one who didnt/doesnt always tell me what I want to hear; who doesnt let me stay in the pit; who speaks truth but in the end reminds me that I have someone on my side ... Thank you
To the one who understands where I have come from ... and simply reminds me to trust .. Thank you
To all of those who have helped me move over and over again ... Thank you
To the one who rented me her home, for less money then she could have .. thank you
To those that look at my heart, and though they wish health for me; they love me .. all of me - Thank you
To the one who has taken the time to figure me out and takes time to explain in ways I understand ... thank you
To the one who gave me a gift of a baby .. thank you
To the three who have loved me as mom .. in my good and in my bad times as a parent .. Thank you
To the one who chose to give me life .. even though it meant life change as a teen ... Thank you
To the one who worked hard to provide all those long years ... Thank you

And finally, to the one that without Him I would have nothing, and I would be nothing. To the one, without you I would not have life .. you gave me NEW LIFE - I will walk with you always!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

In Him
Jacqueline

September Ministry Update

Dear Friends,

As I write this update, I smell fall in the air. I opened my office window this morning, and there is a freshness that has not been there over much of the summer. I love fall, I really do.

I recently took a week’s vacation to rest in a small cottage at Elim Lodge Christian Resort and Campground near Peterborough. It was a good time away, and the goals that I had made before going I was able to meet. I made two simple goals: the plan to not have a plan and the other was to see both a sunrise and a sunset. As you can see from the picture included, I spent a lovely evening sitting on a small beach waiting for “just the right shot” of the sunset; isn’t God’s creation beautiful?

For part of the week, my son’s friends came to join us, and that was an exciting time over games, campfires and trips to the beach. The picture at the bottom was our attempt to spell FAITH. It was a fun day! A definite hi-light of my week was the day a couple I had just met, heard I was in ministry and offered to bless me by taking me out on a boat ride – I was thrilled! I sat in the front of the boat and felt like the “Queen of the Nile” as we rode down the water soaking in God’s marvelous creation! I am thankful for this couple, and I pray blessings on them as they continue to be generous with their resources.

I was excited to come back to the office and resume my appointments with the women I have been meeting with; but even more excited to see everything that Father has been doing in their lives outside the office. Jesus is the true counselor, and it was most encouraging to hear of how He has been working over the week I was away.

In many ways September is similar to January. It is a time of new beginnings; new routines and many people tend to be excited to see what is planned ahead. Our courses are starting up here at the office (please contact the office at 519-742-1900 or check out our FaceBook page for more details); but I am also looking forward to what Father has for me in this Fall / Winter Season. I have recently been asked by a couple churches if I would consider coming to speak to their Women’s Groups in the winter, so we look forward to what opportunities may be ahead; for we desire to partner with you and your churches in bringing the message of Christ as Life to as many people as possible!

Thank you for partnering with me through love, prayer and your financial support. I am thankful for how God has provided. I have however been unable to reach my goal of reaching 75% of my monthly support by the end of summer. Won’t you please join me in praying that God will lay it on hearts to give. I recently began praying that God would direct me to some Christian Business owners who may consider becoming corporate sponsors.

I wish you all a wonderful September of getting into new routines. May you rest in HIS promises and know that the God of all peace continues to sanctify you completely, and will be faithful to complete what He has started! 1Thes 5:23 -24

In Him,
Jacqueline

Crossways To Life
79 Weber St E. Kitchener ON
519-742-1900

Enjoy The Moments You Have

Whether it's the fact that I have spent almost 9 weeks in a quiet home, or the fact that my oldest has become a man with his own plans, work schedules and is entering his last year of High School; Today I am finding myself thinking back over the years and somewhat wishing I had enjoyed things longer.

I remember when I had my baby, he learned to walk and I craved another little one to be held in my arms. The wise older women said, "don't rush it dear, savor these moments"; but I didnt listen. I urged the words, the steps; I was excited when he became a big boy (no longer needing diapers); and loved when I could pack away the bottles.

I spent many years taking care of little ones. I think there were approx 112 children in and our of our home as foster children; and for a long time, everytime the youngest one left,my arms ached for a little one to hold.

That yearning eventually left, and I thought it would never come. I still love to cuddle little ones, but I am good giving them back to their parents at the end of the day.

For all my dear sisters with young children at home: I know how tired you are; for I have been there. I know how you long to sleep, for I too have been up lots of nights caring for little ones (that were not even mine). But don't do what I did, don't hurry through this stage. Try to find some joy in it, enjoy it (even if it is the screaming and tantrums of a 2yr old); for one day soon, that will all end. And, if you are anything like me when I had a house full of preschoolers, I thought life would be so much easier if they were older. No, it is not. The job of parenting does not become easier as they are older, just different. Yes,physically you are more energized, but emotionally, much more engaged and it can be much more draining. (If you don't believe me, ask others around you who have moved passed the younger stage and are now parents of multiple teens.)

I wish I could turn back time, hold them a bit longer, read to them one more story; forget the rules and stay up late watching one more movie or episode of Barney ... oh those older women who had walked the parenting journey before me were right (and I for some reason thought I knew better).

It is for a season, enjoy and savor each moment you can. Don't be so caught up looking ahead that you miss the now. For right now, you still have that opportunity to speak into their life (haha and they actually listen; for they believe Mom can do no wrong!)

I wouldnt trade anything, except maybe to enjoy those younger years longer and not look ahead.

Now, for my friends who are in stages like myself; just like I urge the younger mom's to not look ahead; I urge us to not be continually looking back with regret.

Today is another day; another season and as I sit in the quietness of my home, I consider the next steps: do I down size in housing? do I consider buying a pet? What hobby do I want to improve on? (Do I even have a hobby?)
And probably more importantly, what does Jesus want for me to do? Who does He want me to love?

Just some thoughts from a Mom of teens!

Til Next Time

Jacqueline

Judging Others

Today's post is going to be brutally honest. I have had a thought going around in my head the last couple of days and have been so thankful for what God has been faithful in showing me.

Where do you go when life is stressful? What do you do to try and get yourself "into a better space"?

Some women look to shopping for comfort (admit it, how many times have you heard the term "retail therapy"?); Some women take their frustrations out on cleaning their home or maybe walking the treadmill. Other women hide behind acts of charity or perhaps hold their children tight to fill their gap to have a "purpose in life". These forms of "comfort" are of course socially acceptable right?

What about the woman who sleeps with a stranger in attempts to fill that deep longing to be loved and accepted? What about the woman who shoots up or pops the pills to temporarily escape the pressures of life? Or, what about the woman who weighs 100lbs and is struggling with anorexia or the woman who weighs 300lbs and turns to food for comfort when she doesnt know how to handle the overwhelming emotions?

If we are honest, how do you rate these behaviours on what is more or less acceptable? Are these last behaviours really that much less acceptable? Or perhaps we sit on a throne judging those who have developed "less acceptable" ways of protecting themselves from further hurt and rejection?

Father showed me this week that eating two potatoe chips for comfort is no better than the woman who pops one pill. And, eating chips is no worse than the woman who withdraws from friends to protect herself or the woman who serves faithfully in church every week; or the woman who just "needs" to go shopping for some of that "retail therapy".

When we walk in our flesh, we will experience death and frustration. I suggest that before we look at others and judge their behaviours, we ask Father to show us what our OWN flesh looks like. What do we do when we are trying to cope or protect ourselves from further hurt?

I suggest that when we begin to look at our own plank, then maybe we will be more compassionate, loving and accepting to others.

Til Next Time

Jacqueline

What's Your Routine?

I broke all routine this morning, and it actually was really good and enlightning.

I woke very early for the first time in a while, I had enough time before leaving for work to actually cook a good breakfast; however, once downstairs I came to find that I had no bread, the eggs had expired and no milk (With only myself home during the week I have not been purchasing many groceries). So, after starting laundry I decided I would go find a Tim Horton's and order oatmeal and a tea.

From the moment I entered this Tim Horton's I was in observation mode; this is not a regular thing for me to do first thing in the morning, but what a busy popular place it was; and definitely part of many a person's routine. It started with a pleasant greeting from the front girl, however, obviously her regular shift was afternoons or evenings as she greeted me with "good afternoon, how can I help you?" I simply responded with a "good thanks". She then continued her regular routine with taking my order and even though I made no indication that I wanted the order to go, she put it all in a "to go" bag. As I sat down at the table with my breakfast, she made a small comment about her being out of her regular routine, and that she is typically on drive-thru where everything goes in a bag.

As I sat journalling and thinking about the events of the last couple of days, it became obvious that I had sat in someone's "regular" seat. After wandering for a little bit he found another table; but I was struck at how routine we as humans can become. And, when events seem to mess with our routines, we are a little "off" with what to do next. It sometimes takes some time to become focused once again.

I can't help but wonder how things could change if we made sure our "routine" always began with saying good morning and acknowledging Jesus and His presence in our day? What if we became "off" if we missed our initial morning prayer? or daily feed of His word?

I am not suggesting that we need to be under the law of "the day doesnt begin until you go to the throne"; however, how better equipped would we be, if we were actually aware of how equipped we were with the very life of Jesus? What if we got to the point that our day just could not go on until we stopped to have a conversation with our true life source?

So, I challenge you to think about your routine, and ask yourself where in that routine do you stop to acknowledge Jesus and dwell on His word and presense in your day.

Til Next Time

Jacqueline

More Grace ...

Yet today I continue to think about God's Grace ... the person of Grace - Jesus Christ.

I want to speak grace
I want to think grace in all my thoughts
I want to breathe grace
I want to parent with grace
I want to love those that hurt me with grace
I want to love those who love me, with grace
I want to extend grace
I want feel the grace
I want to be an employee of grace
I want to counsel grace
I want to write grace
I want to be an example of grace
I want to act out of and in grace
I want to experience more and more of HIS GRACE

I want to be intoxicated; that is wasted in Father's love and grace!

Til Next Time

Jacqueline

Grace Grace God's Grace ...

God's grace is something I am still learning more and more about. I have all of God's grace and HIS unlimited life source. It is His grace that has made me who I am, and it is His grace (power) that enables me to live.

I heard a worship leader this past Sunday make a statement that stuck with me over the last couple of days. She challenged us to be "wasted on God's grace" ... I LOVE THAT. May Father's grace be all intoxicating!

I want to breathe grace
I want to speak grace
I want to act out of grace
I want to think grace
I want to have a home where grace is in place
I want have a family of grace
I want to have (and be) a friend of grace
I want to have (and for me to nurture having) a community of grace

Grace GRACE GRACE ... to be wasted in HIS GRACE!

That's all for now ... I am swimming in grace!

Jacqueline

Walking Along the Dark Path

When we come to the end of the road and we need to turn a particular way, how do we know which way to turn? There doesn't seem to be any sign markings or indication as to what will happen down the road. It is dark and we need to walk by faith; one step at a time.

Have you ever walked in the dark carrying a flashlight that is fairly dim? The distance ahead that you can see is just ahead as you take the next step. Well, I have been thinking today about how I really do not like change. I like to know what is ahead and I like to know how things are going to go when we come around the next bend. BUT, where is the faith in that?

God says to walk by faith; step by step trusting Him to guide the way. We will see what we need to see when we are supposed to see it. We need to continue walking unless He directs otherwise. If the path was fully lite, how much faith would it take to continue walking ahead? Not much at all; in fact we would be tempted to walk in our own abilities; trusting in ourselves.

Thanks Father for the dark paths where we are forced to let you light the way; remind me to trust you when there is so much ahead that we have yet to have clarity on.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet; and a light unto my path!

Til Next Time

Jacqueline

A Butterfly For Me

Early yesterday morning I decided to go outside and water my flowers (and to offer some assistance to keeping the lawn from completely dying through this dry spell). I had just came home from going to Curves for my weekly weigh in and I was discouraged that I had gained a couple pounds. I was frustrated with myself because I knew exactly why; and mostly the reasons were that I was not taking time to take care of me; I was not eating proper meals now that I am alone during the week (cooking for one person is no fun, and living off of raised support means not eating out everyday either.)

I was in abit of a mood as I watered and I was looking at how brown the lawn was looking. I was realizing that my grass seed wont grow, and the only thing that was growing was my water bill! I admit I was finding it hard at that moment to be thankful about anything.

As I continued to grump and inwardly complain, Father was reminding me that as long as I continue to seek acceptance by becoming thinner, this will continue to be a battle; and that food was not the enemy. He also once again reminded me that my acceptance is NOT dependant on me being thinner. I answered Him outloud, "Yes I know you accept me fat and all" and he simply responded with "but will you accept you if you dont lose any weight?" I dwelt further on that and realized that I had woken up that morning in a great mood (inspite of the heat), and it wasnt until I stepped on the scale and saw the numbers that my emotions took a nose dive.

I was just about finished watering and while thanking Father for His loving words I looked up and saw an absolutely beautiful yellow and black butterfly land in the middle of a dead patch of grass. It was completely stunning. It didnt take me long to realize that this butterfly was a gift for me. Father was reminding me of the new creation that I am now (2 Cor 5:17), and that while He HAS transformed me; He is also continuing to do so in a more deeper way. He has made me his beautiful butterfly!

My verse for this year has been "May the God of peace sanctify you ENTIRELY; spirit, soul AND body ... " I Thess 5:23. Father will continue HIS work. In the next verse we read that HE is faithful to do what He has started.

I trust something I shared today has touched you as well. That's all for now.

In Him

Jacqueline

Words

It is a well known fact that words have the ability to build up or to destroy. Years ago I sat listening to a devotional about the tongue, and it has stuck with me.
The tongue is sharp and can cut like a blade (and now a days we don't even have to say the words, we can hide behind computers and internet access and not have to look the person in the eye). Once the words are out, yes they can be forgiven, but they are not easily forgotten. I have been hurt by words often in my life, and yes, I have spoken (or typed) words that have hurt others as well. I am aware of the damage that words spoken in haste, defensiveness, hurt or anger can do.

The words on the wall in my office are "May the words of my mouth be pleasing in your sight ..." Psalm 19:14. That is my desire, for because I am aware of the possible damage, I want to be constantly reminded to seek Father before I speak.

I have also been thinking about the meaning of some "little" words. When I read the Bible I have learned to pay close attention to the "little" (yet powerful) words. Take Romans 8:31 "If God is FOR us, who is against us?" or, John 10:10 "The thief has ONLY come to seek, kill and destroy"; 2Cor 5:17 "If anyone be IN Christ, they are a new creation..."; Rom 8:38,39 "For I am convinced that neither death NOR life, NOR angels, NOR principalities, NOR things present, NOR things to come, NOR powers, NOR height, NOR depth, NOR any other created thing shall separate you from the love of God...". I could continue but you get the point; there is power in words; whether big or small.

If one little word can hold such impact when reading the word of God and His promises to us; just think about how much of an impact our words have on people?

Father, speak truth through me, but remind me to stop first and lean on you for YOUR words.

That's all for now

Jacqueline

Two Paths

Over the last couple of weeks I have been immersed in two different books: "Bo's Cafe" by John Lynch and "True Faced" by John Lynch, Bill Thrall and Bruce McNicol. Both books talk of the importance of being part of a community of Grace.

Bo's Cafe is a story and TrueFaced is a teachin book, both easy reads with not so easy heart lessons to learn. I love them both, and to be honest still processing much of what is writen in these books.

TrueFaced talks of each of us having a choice of two paths that we must walk. One "Pleasing God" and the other marked "Trusting God". As Christians we typically will choose the pleasing God (after all that He has done for us); but the book does well to articulate that it is our trusting in Him that pleases Him. (Hebrews 11:6 says "without faith it is impossible to please God). I am seeing the importance of deepening our level of trust in God.

There is alot more I would like to say and I will most likely write more tomorrow about the differences between these two paths and where the paths lead, but for now ... I wonder, if you had a choice, (and you didnt know where each path led to) - which path would you take: the path marked "Pleasing God" or the path marked "Trusting God"?

That's all for now

Jacqueline

What Voice Are You Listening To?

Should I go shopping today for a new shirt? "Yes," says one voice, "you deserve it, you have worked hard and spent little money on yourself."
The other voice says, "can you afford it? do you need it?"

I have been thinking lately that all through our day we hear many voices telling us what to do, and also telling us messages of who we are. There is the voice that encourages and affirms us; and there is another voice that constantly remind us when we fail and when we dont measure up.

Recently, I am coming to see that shame has a life of its own. Shame has a voice, and sometimes its voice is louder than any other voice around. Shame says "I am wrong, there is something defective about me." Shame never imparts truth or life to us and is always there waiting to condemn.

Should we have guilt when we do something wrong? Yes of course, but guilt is admitting what I did was wrong; while shame is saying I AM wrong.

I have been spending time with Father lately asking Him to show me the affects of shame. Not just for the benefit of helping others, but also how it has affected my life. How many times have I listened to that voice and therefore chose to not follow through with plans, because of the lies I chose to believe? How many times does the voice of shame interupt what grace filled messages Father has been wanting me to hear?

It is because of shame that we let a comment devastate us.
It is because of shame that we sometimes don't even bother trying.
It is because of shame we try to perform for acceptance.
It is because of shame that we believe there is something we have to do to make us more acceptable.

We who are in Christ are completely acceptable, whether we always feel it or not. Does Jesus Christ not live in us? Then how could we be wrong? for what place does light have living in dark?

Father, your sheep know your voice. Let us purpose to hear your voice above all the crowds.

Til Next Time,

Jacqueline PS. Casting Crowns has a song "Voice of Truth" - give it a listen!

Choosing To Be Thankful

I have been reading several articles and blogs lately; and alot of common threads have been on emotions and also thankfulness.

I started to wonder this morning if there is a difference between "choosing to BE thankful" and "choosing to GIVE thanks". It might be a silly thing to write about, but sometimes I honestly choose to be thankful; and other times, even when my feelings don't "feel" like it - I need to CHOOSE to give thanks (Even if my attitude isn't one of thankfulness). Does that make sense at all?

Let me give an example. This weekend I turn 40yrs old, and for me this comes with alot of different emotions. It is not really about the number, and although there is something about "becoming older"; for me it's about looking back and thinking about where things might have been. Let me tell you that I was not going to be single again and starting a new decade doing life on earth "alone". So, heading into this birthday, with all the mixed emotions, I am choosing to give thanks.

* I am thankful that I am a new creation and I am not the same person
* I am thankful for God's understanding and neverending patience with me
* I am thankful that all sins have been paid for
* I am thankful that I am one with Christ; His spirit dwelling in me
* I am thankful for a tangible copy of God's word
* I am thankful for my family - for it is them that I laugh, cry and learn
* I am thankful for friends who care
* I am thankful for friends and family who want to celebrate me
* I am thankful for the forgiveness of friends when I mess up
* I am thankful for tears that flow
* I am thankful for THE church
* I am thankful for a beautiful home to rent
* I am thankful that I have ears that can hear music (and birds singing)
* I am thankful for eyes that can see: flowers, people, rainbows
* I am thankful for hands that can type on a laptop that isn't even mine
* I am thankful for all the supporters God has provided me with for my ministry position
* I am thankful that I have another day to let HIS light shine through me
* I am thankful that I am loved
* I am thankful that I have a voice that can sing and can talk
* I am thankful that I have new beginnings
* I am thankful that God loves me enough to not leave me where I am

I admit, sometimes I need to choose to give thanks, and in doing so, I then become thankful in my attitude.

Til Next Time,
Jacqueline

Surgeon and Healer

If you have been following this blog, you know that I have taken the last several weeks to see deeper our Father's heart for me. Every step has not been joyful and exciting; and there has been somewhat of a struggle; but I did come to the place of being willing to have further heart surgery done where needed.

I came to the place of simply being held in His embrace, to have Him uncover some of the lies that I have yet believed; to feel His presence as I puttered around dealing with dandelions; and to just sit in the still of the night quietly singing to Him.

In the begining of this time, I started singing one simple song to get "my song" back. I started singing the simple song, (and yet the one with the most profound lyrics) - "Jesus Loves Me This I Know". What showed me that surgery was needed was when I couldn't even sing the first line without my eyes swelling up with tears.

I have not learned all there is to learn, and I am still on the journey of accepting ALL of me. BUT, I am in HIS embrace and I am learning what it means to develop further intimacy with the one who desires to be our most intimate best friend.

I never want to forget these last 6-8 weeks; for it has been a sacred time for me. Going forward, I will be making time for my "retreat days" alone with God. I am thankful for a place of employment and a boss who strongly encourages me to have that one day a month to simply be with Father.

Jesus is both the surgeon (a physician who specialized in surgery)and the healer. That is, He is the comfort pre-surgery, while in surgery and post-surgery. He is the ultimate healer and friend. What an empathetic priest and friend is He!

That's all for now,

Jacqueline

God's Character

So, this week I have been thinking about the character of God. More specifically, as I continue my journey to know Him; I have wondered if I started to list of all He is .. how many would I list? I imagine my list would be on going as I come to know His heart for me.

Many of you (if not all of you) are familiar with Ann Voskamp's book Thousand Gifts and her popular website "Holy Experience". If you have yet to check it out, take a few minutes, it will be sure to bless you.

When I looked at her challenge to find something to be thankful for each day (which was initially the beginning of it all); I wondered how our lives would change if we would keep a continual list of the characteristics of God? There is no number in my mind, but I wonder how big our list would get? In making the list, I am sure that we would come to see (and know) more and more about the heart that God has towards each of us.

I just listened to a youtube video that made me think further on this. Take a few minutes and check out the video link I just posted on my facebook wall; or look up "Jesus in every book of the Bible" by an 11 year old boy on Youtube.

May we continue to press on in knowing Him.

Til Next Time

Jacqueline

A Song Just For You?

Last weekend as I was enjoying my reading, the author mentioned God giving a woman a song from Him to her. I went to bed asking Father for a song ... Monday morning this is the song that was clearly for me; (and yes, Father can use anything to talk to us; He even used a donkey at one time didnt He?)

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothin' you confess, could make me love you less

I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So, if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now

Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'Cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You're feelin' all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you

(Song I'll Stand By You - originally by the Pretenders).

I found a version that I like sang by a man; as I needed to hear Father singing this to me. Won't you consider asking for a song from Father to you; to meet you where you are at today?

Til Next Time

Jacqueline

Being truly Romanced ...

I continue the journey of knowing more of Father's heart for me. Let me share with you yet another small piece of the book - A Divine Invitation. God's desire for us is beyond anything we have ever experienced. He gets us, He gets what we are not saying and what we are having trouble saying .. He gets ME and He gets YOU!

"If you want to experience the intimacy that your heavenly Father has for you, know that His heart longs for you even more. His heart's desire toward you burns with a single desire. "Allow me to guide you to a deeper level of intimacy with Me. I will hold you continuously. I will fulfill the deepest desires of your soul because I have placed them there. Come to me JUST AS YOU ARE (I added the emphasis) and know without any doubt that you will be accepted. You will be loved and nurtured. Come with me - I want to whisper something to you, something you will never forget."

I am "amazed at such a thought ... teach us to enter that place, to be still, to talk to you -even without words at times."

What more is needed for me to say?

Til Next Time,
Jacqueline

Let's Dance!

I have a small pile of books, all of which I would like to reread at some point over this summer. The one I am glancing through this weekend is "A Divine Invitation". The author's points about the degree to how much God loves us is valid, accurate and summed up very well in this book.

I have yet to meet one person who completely understands the vast degree to which God loves us. It seems obvious to us when we see someone else not trusting or resting in Jesus. Perhaps we are tempted to sit and judge someone else's lack of faith? How about we let that person's relationship with God be their business, and focus on our own? (Unless of course you have been asked to join them on their walk and journey; but even then, don't neglect to examine your own relationship with Jesus).

Let us press on to know Him more, for I am sure I am not alone in admitting that I have not experienced all there is to experience about the way Father God loves us. In his chapter titled - From Must To Trust; Steve challenges us to remember that it is about HIM, not US.

"If we would know Him intimately, it's important to understand that HE sets the terms of the relationship. Jeff Imbach notes, "This is God's life and God's purpose, a river of life within us. We do not start the flow and we will not provide the current." page 114.

The author goes on to say, "If you want to dance with God, you had better let Him lead."


So how about we learn to dance?

Til Next Time

Jacqueline

Grace Sufficient

“Many Christians keep themselves in a perpetual foment by hoping they will get into a situation where they can enjoy a better (and easier) Christian Life. They feel enclosed in a net of circumstances from which they cannot escape. They are so wearied and baffled and beaten by the continuous pressure about them that they wish and itch for things to be different, quite sure that if they were only different Christ would be more real. It has not dawned on them that at the heart of these very circumstances they are to find the Lord Jesus, find His grace sufficient, find the life more abundant.” L.E. Maxwell from HIS VICTORIOUS INDWELLING

Father, show us what it means to find your grace sufficient in all things.

Til Next Time

Jacqueline

No More Good or Bad Days ...

Just a thought for today ...


"There are no more good days or bad days; only grace days. Some days God's grace allows you to ENJOY the day and some days God's grace enables you to ENDURE the day"
Graham Cooke

Til Next Time,

Jacqueline

So, Here I Am ...

Last January I started a new leg of my journey. At Father's prompting, I began to be more transparent about my thoughts, feelings and the work that Father is doing in me. I fought this for a while as some of what Father was asking me to be transparent about were secret thoughts that noone knew. (There are still days that I wonder what exactly Father is hoping to accomplish through me being transparent).

I have not been completely honest as of late, with my journey with the weight loss. My initial goal was 20 lbs before graduation. I reached 19lbs and then out of fear of failing, I never went in to weigh again before grad. I didnt want the number on the scale to ruin my grad day. After that, I did gain a few pounds after being on my short little holiday, but since then, I have let my fear get in the way of being transparent. I honestly don't know where I am at (number wise), but I do know this - in this time Father has shown me that there is still a deeper work that He wants to do in me. He has promised to further sanctify me through and through - SPIRIT SOUL AND BODY (I Thess 5:23). If stepping on the scale has that much power over me; then there is much more to be learned of His great love for me.

If I am nervous to admit mistakes to my boss, then there is much more to be learned; if I am striving to maintain some sense of "acceptability" in my performance; then I have yet to know how very acceptable and loved I really am. If I can't say no without feeling guilty, then I need to sit and hear from Father what that is all about.

I was reading today a verse that I blogged about back in January. The verses are found in 1 John. This time I will quote from the New Living Translation:
3:1 - see how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are ...
3:16 - we know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us
4:7 - love comes from God
4:17 ... as we live in God, our love grows more perfect
4:18 .. God's kind of love is perfect; expels ALL fear. If we are afraid it is fear ... this shows that we have not fully experienced HIS perfect love

So, today I lay it all out there; here I Am. I am keeping my promise to be transparent. Jacqueline has much to learn about the love of Father. Jacqueline is still very hurt by people who let her down; Jacqueline is still learning what it means to accept herself and Jacqueline many times, does not experience rest because she is still trying to achieve and earn. (Hebrews 4:10 - those who have entered rest have ceased from their own striving).

I know that none of this surprises Father, for He knows me in and out; perhaps some of you are surprised however? Last count there are about 60 of you who read this every day. I pray that as you read this, you ask Father to show you the depth of your own heart.

I am sorry if you are disappointed in what you have read today; for as one woman wrote to me: "Jacqueline, you seem to have arrived with knowing the heart of Jesus". No, dear sister - far from it. I do apologize if I have let on that I know all there is to know about His love for me. That would be a great tragedy if you only came to know the love of the Father to the degree that I do.

Please hear my heart, I mean everything I say to you when I urge you to run to Jesus. I know Jesus is the answer; however, I have yet learned to rest. But, in this, He is breaking down all those walls one by one. My journey is not over; I have not arrived. But He is changing me from glory to glory. This is where I am, and we are all a work in progress (Phil 1:6 tells us it is a GOOD work; one which Father himself will complete).

I close with this additional verse found in 1 John 5:15 "We know that He hears us when we make our requests known .. we also know that He will give us what we ask for"

Father, it is my desire that we come to know you. To know you more than to lose weight or to become more "acceptable" in our own eyes. Show us all the depth of your love for us. That we may know you.

Take a few minutes to watch the video "The Inheritance" by Graham Cooke (found on Youtube). I am going to post it on my facebook page under this blog post for your convenience.

Til Next Time

Jacqueline

Six years...

I woke early this morning and the date May 29th brought back a flood of memories. I remember the shock and the sadness; trying to attend church to block out my reeling emotions and only to walk in on the song "Blessed be the name; He gives and takes away".

I am reflecting on what I have learned over the past six years. So for todays post, (in no particular order and as much for me as it is for you)

I have learned...

* that I relied on a human to meet my deepest needs (instead of God the ultimate provider)

* that to hide my pain and bitterness I became angry, skeptical and jaded

* that I could in time figure out how to mangage and run a household

* that I could say good bye several times and not be deflated for life

* the passion for other people that once was squashed, is now alive again

* I will get through anything with Jesus; I have overcome

* there is no point in hiding your pain; it eventually comes to the surface

* I do not need to handle life alone; for I am never alone

* when we refuse to offer forgiveness, we are the prisoner

* when we put people in place of meeting our deepest needs; we will hurt them and be hurt/disappointed ourselves

* there are people who are worth trusting; who will love and support me

* the importance of forgiving myself (althought not sure I am completely done with this one yet)

* I am not responsible for all of my children's choices

* I will be hurt again, no matter how much I try to protect myself

* someone else besides Jesus died on that cross; the old me is gone and the new has come. Thank you Jesus for making me a new creation!

* that I am complete and acceptable in Him / because of Him

* I am loved completely by the Father

* that it is okay and absolutely necessary to learn to love and accept myself

* there is the ability to love again; although scarey, it is worth it

* I am a work in progress; but HE will see it through to completion in HIS time

* for many years, I covered my pain and heavy emotions with food... and am learning the freedom of that bondage

* Father does use ALL THINGS to work together for the purpose of conforming me into His image

* that I am not expected to live/act in perfect perfection at all times

Those are just some of what I have learned over the past six years.

Have you taken time to reflect on where you have come from? I was reminded a couple weeks ago that there were times Jesus called people by their "old names" (eg. Peter was called Simon even after Jesus gave him his new name). I wonder if it is because God wants us to remember where we have come from? how far HE has brought us? We are not that old person anymore, but we are who we are not because of our own efforts; but all because of Him. What has He shown you lately?

Til next time,

Jacqueline

The Deepest Theology We Need To Know ...

I was reminded again this week of how important the foundation is to a building. A friend of mine is once again dealing with water in their basement due to cracks in the foundation. It would be pointless to continue to mop up the water but never to fix the foundation; dont you think?

How important is our foundation of faith? What happens when we have a faulty weak foundation? What happens when there are cracks in our theology? Is there a faulty concept of God that we are believing and thus allowing deceit to sneak in? and therefore cause damage?

I know I have written about this before, but it has gripped me once again today as the woman I met with left my office. If we don't know how much Father loves us, where do we go?
How can I continue to ask her to surrender to a God who she believes sees her as insignificant? How can I ask someone else to accept the message of the cross when she still is yet to believe that the Bible is true? How do I encourage yet another young woman to lay aside her bitterness; when she believes she will only be hurt by God if she truly trusts in Him?

The foundation on which we lay our beliefs and our faith is of extreme importance. When we see there is "water leaking in"; it is necessary to acknowledge the cracks (the faulty beliefs) and deal with it. Exchange the faulty for truth (fix what needs to be fixed).

So, what is the deepest theology that I think we need to know? As someone once said, "Jesus loves me this I know".

I believe when we view everything from that; the message of the cross makes sense; embracing our acceptance makes sense; laying aside bitterness as a way to cope makes sense; refusing to play the trying to measure up game ... it all begins to make sense.

Thank you Father for your love. Thank you for your understanding and for the ways you speak to us. Show us Father where there are "cracks" in our foundation.

Til Next Time
Jacqueline

Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last

If it wouldn't have seemed disrespectful, I would have taken out my camera at today's funeral service. There were so many black suits, dress pants, dresses, and sweaters. At one point during the service I was looking down to collect my thoughts and all within my eye's view were black shoes. The colour is symbolic I suppose of the grief and the heaviness of each one's heart; but I want everyone to know that when the day comes that I pass away, I would like everyone to wear white or colours. I want you to celebrate first where I would be, and secondly the life that I have led.

That was just a little thought that I had; but the bigger thought that I had was the reminder given to us today at the service, and it came from Kathy (Kevin's wife, the grieving widow). Her encouragement to each one there was to never miss opportunity to love, to tell those you care about how much you love and to make things right. There is a proverb that speaks to this, "Live each day as if it were your last."

Kevin lived his life being a vessel of God; with the obvious desire to have everyone he came in contact with know the love of Jesus. May we take this as a reminder that we too are vessels; but also to be aware that we do not know when our last conversation will be with someone.

Is there someone you need to talk with today? Tell them you love them perhaps? or maybe to have a much needed converstaion to offer healing and forgiveness.

That's all for now, I close asking you to lift up in prayer the friends and family of Kevin Duncan.

Til next time

Jacqueline

Jesus on Earth ... Kevin

Last night some 25 gathered to reflect and pray for the family of Kevin Duncan, a student from EBC who recently passed away. After beginning our time with singing to Father, the discussions and memories began to be shared.

Some of the initial comments were "its not right, its not fair". But in the end even after we ask "Why God?", everyone in the room was able to say (in the midst of the tears) "But we know God is love" and we were blessed to know Kevin. It's not "he would have made a good minister" for he WAS a good minister. For he knew Jesus and was "Jesus on earth" to many.

When I listened to stories about Kevin I was reminded that we are HIS vessels. We are who the world looks to. How many opportunities do we have to show someone love? How many times are we given opportunity to show & offer mercy and grace?

The pressure to "have it all together" is not one that comes from above. Let us remember to love. In that love it sometimes means saying no and speaking truth into a situation; but other times, it means love and be a friend quietly sitting by while you hurt.

Thank you Kevin for showing us what it was like to have a heart for people, to listen more than talk and to love Father God wholeheartedly. We will see you again brother!!

Til Next Time

Jacqueline

Despising The Shame

Have you ever feared what people will think if they only knew? Are you afraid to voice your opinion? I have yet to meet a woman who has not had to deal with some degree of shame. In fact, I would venture that most people reading this have some secret that they are hoping no one will ever find out; because what if people REALLY knew? Then what would they think?

Let's take a few moments and talk about this ugly word called shame.

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every circumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Loosely translated for me in this very moment; this says to me - "throw off the shame that is holding you down .. and then you can rest at His side".

Yesterday I shared some of what I have been reading; today I continue with the chapter on Shame (He Loves Me, written by Wayne Jacobsen). I trust you do not view this simply as a book report, as it is such good stuff. Let's take a closer look at shame ...

* it will help you boast at your achievements and contrive excuses for your mistakes
* it can turn a simple gift of God into feelings of superiority and then at the firs sign of trouble plunge you to the depth of inferiority
* it can take you captive through the compliments of others and make you feel rejected by the most genuine criticism
* it will let you take credit for good things you don't deserve and blame others for their hard times
* one minute it can make you smug in self righteousness and the next overwhelm you with guilt and self loathing

* Shame keeps us from being authentic enough to realize that others are struggling with the same things. page 162

* "Shame tells us that people could never love us if they really knew what we had been part of .. or knew the temptations, doubts, and motives that still lurk beneath the surface" page 162

"what a horrible burden it is to measure our worth by everything we do and every word spoken about us." page 160

"When you find your security in the awesome love of God, shame's voice is unmasked. No longer do you have to play its games by worrying about what others think." page 160

* "Shame makes it impossible for us to say no. It threatens us with humiation or with being left out if we don't conform to what others want, and it promises approval and affirmation when we obey." page 162

* "The fear of what "others might think" can both restrain us from doing what we know is right and entice us to do what ultimately harms us"

In his book The Divine Conspiracy, Dallas Willard writes: "would you like to have no need for others to praise you, and would you like not to be paralyzed and humilated by their dislike and condemnation? Wouldn't you also like to have a strength and understanding that enables you genuinely and naturally to bless those who are cursing you - or cheating you, beating you, spitting on you ... laughing at you .. even killing you ...? "

If we can be free of this shame, there is freedom to be real and authentic. To live as Jesus lived "of no reputation." That is to finally LIVE.

In response to an email I received, Father gave me this thought .. "To rest is hard to learn, when we are used to trying to earn"

Friends, let's continue our journey from glory to glory; to being ever more aware of what was accomplished on the cross; so we can be further free.

I cannot stress enough the impact this book has had on me. If you are interested in ordering this book and reading it in its entirety, you can find it on Amazon or you can purchase it through us at Crossways To Life, Kitchener ON.

Til Next Time,

Jacqueline

He Loves Me

If I started to tell you everything that has happened or everything I have heard and learned this weekend you would not believe me. It has been quite the weekend, but over the last few hours I have quieted my heart and sat with a book and talked with Father. The book is so good that I am going to share some of the points I have read. I realize that I am not giving the context, but hopefully enough food for thought that you may wish to read the book; or at least take the thought to Father and hear what He has to say to you about it. He Love Me by Wayne Jacobsen. windblown media

* When the enemy drove a wedge between Eve and her Creator , he had won the moment. Everything we do as a result of not trusting God and his intentions toward us draws us into the everdeepening bondage of sin. page 125

* For the power of the cross to significantly change our lives, it would have to restore the trust that was shattered in Eden. page 126

* Perhaps when we don't understand or feel His love for us we need to pray " Jesus we choose to believe in the Father's love for us because you did. Give us your faith to stand right here in trust that our whole lives are in your hands". page 130

* Because of the cross, we are no longer oppressed by the need to appease God. We are free to live in his love and, as we'll see, that can completely transform everything about the way we think and live. page 131

* "I have spent all my life trying to earn points with someone (our Father) who wasn't even keeping score" page 136

* God has done everything to demonstrate His irrefutable love, but He will not make us live there. We can still live less loves, pursuing our own agenda with our own resources... page 137

* "The key to living a productive Christian life is not waking up every day trying to be loved by God, but waking up in the awareness that you are already His beloved." page 138

* "People who live out of a genuine love relationship with the God of the universe will live in more power, more joy and more righteousness than anyone motivated by fear of His judgment." page 141

* God enjoys taking fearful slaves to sin and teaching them how to live as beloved sons and daughters. He knows how to peel off layers of selfishness and shame to shape His image in us page 157

If you are interested in ordering this book from us at Crossways To Life please feel free to contact us through email. office@crosswaystolife.org

That's all for now, til next time.

Jacqueline

Glorious Mess ... I must confess

This week I sum up all my thoughts in the phrase "Glorious Mess". This is the third blog post I have attempted to write; and with each one I get deeper into looking at the depths of my heart.

I write this I am fearful of how it will be received. And yet, the very idea that I am fearful confirms what Father has been telling me this week. Why is the acceptance of people so very important if you really know I love and accept you?

I spend my week walking with others and many hours immersed in Father's word. And yet, when asked the other week when do I get away with Father for my own time, I had no real answer. The dear lady didn't know the can she was opening when she asked that, and as I began to dwell on that, other stuff began to surface that I indeed needed to spend a few days acknowledging and talking with Father about. That simple question was indeed a word from God. (Thank you LG).

It is to be expected that we hurt when we find out someone has hurt or betrayed us; but how deep it cuts, how much damage is done can lead to determine how much weight and value we put in the acceptance of that person. I have come to see that what people thought of me still really mattered to me. But what does that say to God who is the one who has made me acceptable? It says that I have been thinking that because I am acceptable, I need to maintain that by acting accordingly. And if I didn't act accordingly, then I was coming to the conclusion that I possibly wasn't totally acceptable. And, then the vicious cycle began ...

In this reality check I have also seen that One of the struggles has been that I have felt this immense pressure to "have it all together". Now that I am in full time ministry I had "better get it right" mentality. Last year I an intern student, so of course I was allowed (even expected) to make mistakes. But now that I had graduated, it was time to "walk the talk perfectly" ... well so I thought.

You know those scarey prayers we pray in a time of vulnerability and when life is going well? The prayers that say, help me to know you better or how about the one I prayed not more then a month ago, "show me any wickedness in me; show me where I still have unbelief". Well .. .He is faithful to the cries of His beloved.

You know how I posted not long ago how I love to sing even in the hard times? Well, a week ago yesterday I heard some news that rocked my world, and while there is nothing wrong with being hurt by hearing the news (in fact it would be more concerning not to be hurt); this week it has kind of turned everything inside of me upside down. So, the song I sing? nothing right now. I still believe everyword that song says - for HE is BLESSED and wonderful and glorious - even when the sun is not shining ... but, my own personal "song" has gone. I have tried in my efforts to get it back more then once. I have made myself turn music on, and nothing. If you know me well I love to sing, I sing in many weird situations without even thinking (just ask my kids); but for now, my song is gone. Like I started off saying, I am a mess ...

Last night about 10:30pm I received a call that a man I know died suddenly. Fell over and went to home to be with Jesus. I spent an hour or so trying to figure out if there was any way this wasn't true; and then I realized that even in this, Father was wanting to show me more of what I believed.

In His faithfulness He used several situations this week to bring some more of my imperfections to the surface. That is, He used it for HIS good and I am thankful. While I still do not have all the answers, I was able to see some of what I had been believing.

You see, although I know to a degree the acceptance of God and that HIS acceptance is enough, I still struggle. I struggle and strive. How do I know that I still struggle? By the degree in which I am hurt when someone hurts me, talks badly about me, misinterprets me and rejects me.

Without coming out and directly saying it (until this week), I had even determined in my head that if people were going to keep hurting me, that's okay, I will just be done with expecting anything from them. That way, no matter what anyone says or does, I will be okay. (or in other words, I will protect Jacqueline from further hurt and disappointment by protecting herself and not trusting Father enough to handle it when I can't). What a mess ...

I confess that there is still much to be learned. I take great comfort in reading how many times the apostle Paul had to say "I have learned", or even "I am still learning".

I can confess that although I know Jesus more today then I did 3 years ago, there is still growth needed in my knowing Him intimately and learning to trust. I want Him to be my everything; my all in all. So when "mere man" say or does something that cuts I will be okay, for I would know that I know, that I know, that I know,I was loved and accepted by Father.

I am encouraged when I read about the disciples in God's word. For they were face to face with Jesus,and yet they had to learn trust. They had to learn to depend and their faith had to grow. That all being said, I am so jealous for they were physically with our saviour, our older brother. They leaned into Him, they saw His love and compassionate face. Imagine getting a big hug right this minute from someone who REALLY knew you and you didnt have to try and explain your heart? That is intimacy. In fact that is what Father's heart is for us right now, and yet we strive to get more of it? We have Him in a different way then they did. I am one with Him, I do not need to wait for Him to come back from his time with Father, for I can experience all of Him now.

God's word tells us that we are HIS ambassadors. We are the light and the salt in this world and if the disciples had to learn, we too must remember we are to learn. So, as messy as I still am; how there are days that I feel like I am an emotional soupy mess; I am His ambassador ... I am not simply a mess; I am a "glorious mess".

We are in a process, He is continuing to sanctify and refine me that which He has already sanctified, justified and declare HIS acceptable daughter. How about you? Will you join me in learning to rest and have our belief increased? At Crossways to Life this month, Ross has been teaching on Hebrews and the verse that is firmly implanted on my mind right now is found in Hebrews 4:10 - those who have entered HIS rest, has ceased from their own work .. their own striving.

In our glorious mess, join me as we learn to rest. To accept what was done for us and to us on that cross. That we may seek HIM alone.

That's all for now

Jacqueline

Do We Mean What We Sing?

Yesterday I was driving to work and the song "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord" came on. I have a reputation for not liking this song very much; but in reality I really do like it. (Yes, there was a time that it bothered me to sing it, and I couldnt get through it without wanting to be sick). But eventually I did come to see that singing that song helped with my mindset. I was not able to continue to "pretend" that I knew God was good; it forced me to do business with Him until I knew and believed with my whole heart that no matter what was going on in my life, God was a God of love and He did love me. (Want to give it a listen? Look up Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman on YouTube.)

What used to bother me was that everyone was singing this song with a smile on their face; while for me (6 years ago) the tears were streaming down my cheeks. Because I knew what it was like to have something "taken away", and I sure didn't feel like clapping and singing about it. BUT in reality, I did mean what I sang, I did (and do) CHOOSE to say "Blessed be HIS name", even when the sun is not shining, and life has not happened the way I would have chosen it to be.

Today I can sing it and I mean every single word I sing. I have come to know Father in a way that is very special to me, and even though some days I need to remind myself of the truths, I do know He is good.

Yes, some of my journey was meant for evil and to do harm to me, BUT in all that happened, I know that God meant it for good, and that I am now in the place God has for me. (Genesis 50:20).

Some days our journey seems hard and it is harder to sing the words, but that is okay. It bothers me more that people sing and don't stop to think about the words they are singing. I encourage you to think about whether you can honestly say when someone has died, someone has left or someone is sick - that God IS worthy to be praised and even though something has been "taken away" - Will you still praise Him and called Him "Blessed"?

I know a few people that can't sing this song, and that is okay; there may be more growth to happen there. For me, I choose to say it, whether my feelings are always in agreement or not. I do not understand all of His ways; BUT I know, that I know, that I know - He is GOOD, He is FAITHFUL and HE IS IN CONTROL.

I want to encourage us to be aware of the words we say (and sing). And if we can't sing a particular song and mean it, maybe hum along and ask Father what's in the way of singing it. In His faithfulness, He will show you, for He desires you to be free.

That's a thought for today, Til next time

Jacqueline

Happy Mother's Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and today I have been thinking about how becoming a Mom has changed my life. My oldest will be 18years old at his next birthday, and I know I am not ready to say goodbye to him as "my boy".

I recently read Ann Voskamp's blogpost, and she articulated it so well, watching the boy become a man; or we have blinked and he HAS become a man. Next year this time, my son will be graduating highschool and once again, this family will enter a time of transition. The time sure does go by fast, and to rewind and do some of it again would be nice, but that is just a dream

The day I became a mother my life changed forever. No longer was life only about me but there were others that I was responsible for. It is fair to say that nothing of this world has changed my life the way becoming a mother has. In the quiet of today, I was thinking about some mothers of the past.

Let's take Eve - the first mother. Imagine not having anyone to share their experiences with you? With noone to tell her what giving birth was going to be like? No books to read with tips to get your baby to sleep better; when to expect the first steps; when you should hear the first words etc ... I suppose there were no concerns that Cain and Abel may "be delayed in development"; as there were no charts of expectations to go by. (What a relief if you ask me!)

With Easter just past, as a family we watched the movie "The Passion of Christ". With that movie still on my mind I couldn't help but think of the mother of Jesus - Mary. This young woman chosen to be the mother of Jesus; put herself aside for the call of God, for the little one inside of her. What an example to all of us.

Somedays the responsibility of being a Mother seems very overwhelming (and sometimes even a thankless job). As my children have entered new stages, the unknowns are many, but (as I blogged about yesterday) this too keeps me dependant on Jesus!

I am so thankful for being a woman and being given the role of a Mom. I do not claim to be perfect, but I know that each of my children will grow up knowing that I have loved them, and more importantly, I have tried hard to be a good example of the need to trust and depend on God.

Tomorrow, I am aware that some of you will have the wounds of pain opened as you celebrate Mother's Day with one missing from the dinner table; or perhaps tomorrow will bring the reminder that your womb has yet to ever be filled. I wanted to acknowledge you today. I have been there crying as yet another cycle has come and gone with no signs of ever being pregnant again. It is a pain I know that you wish you could blink your eyes and ahve it go away. However, in your pain, please let me say thank you to you and to wish you Happy Mother's Day as well. For although some of you have yet to "birth" a child; you have "mothered" many. To you, I say a HUGE thank you for all the many lives you have poured into. The many people you have loved and nurtured out of choice and with no obligation.

I meet with many women in a week, and many times in their personal stories I hear of how godly women (whom they were not related to) stepped in and spoke into their lives; showering them with love and encouragement.
Please know that you are a blessing to many!!

So to all the lovely women out there - Happy Mothers Day! Enjoy your day, know you are loved and appreciated. To my Mom, Thanks for giving me life!

That's all for now,

Jacqueline

Things That Keep Me Dependant ...

Today began earlier than expected and as I dwell on the events of my early morning (4am), I can't help but think that it is in these times that I am reminded of my need for dependance in/on Christ. Why is it that way too often we get into (as my younger neices and nephews have all learned early to say) to " do it myself". With my mouth I encourage the women I meet with to stop doing it "in their own strength". I encourage them to abide, to lean on, to depend on and to be plugged into the one true life source - Jesus Christ. And yet, when I said that during this morning's appointment, I heard the very same words being whispered back to me.

Therefore, I am choosing this moment to be thankful for the things that keep me dependant on Christ. That is, the very weaknesses that keep HIS grace being sufficient to me. Some of the "things that keep us dependant" that I have recently heard from others, or I have personally experienced are:

1. When I feel intense pain and grief over the memories and the "Crappy anniversaries" of when my marriage ended ... I need to depend on Jesus.

2. When my teenager tells me he no longer wants anything to do with God ... I need to depend on Jesus.

3. When my small children keep me up all night ... I need to depend on Jesus.

4. When my daughter is caught stealing and her grades are slipping ... I need to depend on Jesus.

5. When I have no answer for the grieving widow who sits crying in the office ... I need to depend on Jesus.

6. When I go to pay the mortgage and the money is not there ... I need to depend on Jesus.

7. When its been weeks since my husband and I have been intimate .. I need to depend on Jesus.

8. When no matter how hard I try, I cannot sleep through the night .. I need to depend on Jesus.

9. When I am lonely and feel like no one understands ... I need to depend on Jesus.

10. When I am overwhelmed with the pain or regret ... I need to depend on Jesus.

Thank you Father for all the experiences that keep us dependant on you.
May we learn to be dependant on you each moment of the day. To remember what is true, that you are with us holding on to us tight. That your promises for us are for good, and that we are never asked to "do it myself". May we be plugged into you the true vine. Amen

That's all for now

Jacqueline

Trust ...

Lately I have been challenged to think about Trust. What does it mean exactly? I just looked up the meaning in the dictionary and this is what it says: "to believe in and rely on"

I am coming to see that trust and faith are similar in many ways, but for now, what has been on my heart is that as our faith seems to increase and
"deepen" so can our trust.

Proverbs 3:5&6 says to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart ... " - its not a suggestion, rather a command. We need to trust, we are asked and told to trust Him. But, it is one thing to trust in God who is loving and good in both His character and in all that He does; but what about trust in man? We read in the Bible to NOT put confidence in man, but I am not sure that means we shouldnt trust.

What about if you have been hurt before, how do you trust again? I think it is similar to when we learned to walk;we learned step by step. Kay Arthur once said that when we trust and know God, we are able to trust in people; because ultimately, when people let us down, we can rest in knowing we have a loving God who will walk with us in that hurt.

If I put up my walls so high that no one can get in, who loses out? I do.
If I reject you, so you don't reject me - who loses out on love? I do.

For those of you who have been hurt by people, let me leave you with this thought. We (who are in Christ) are equipped and able to do ALL things through HIM who gives us strength - and that includes trusting.

That's all for today.

In Him who is Trustworthy and Faithful

Jacqueline

Imagine ...

Today's blog is more of me inviting you in to read a page of my journal. You are welcome to read my thoughts and prayers for today for I feel Father telling me that that there is someone who needs to read this today. Don't forget to send me a note or to comment. I would love to pray for and with you as you walk this journey. Bless you today as you read...

With school being officially over I have had some extra time to think. The word "IMAGINE" keeps coming to my mind, and of course with that comes all kinds of thoughts. Some good and some not so good. Satan of course would love for us all to continually "IMAGINE" and dwell on past mistakes and regets; but for me, this week is about being thankful and thinking about how much I have to be thankful.

I have recently been listening to the song "Glorious Day" by Casting Crowns; oh what a neat song of celebration that is. With Easter coming, I have also stopped to "imagine" what life would be like if Jesus had not died? What if He didnt take me on himself and put to death the old me? Or even take that even further, imagine if Jesus had never rose from the dead?

I am so thankful for the cross, and I cannot wait to see my Savior face to face. I am so thankful that I do not do life alone; I am so thankful that I have this everlasting life source who lives in and through me.

Just imagine what it will be like to actually touch him? To see him face to face .. (Just like that song says, will I fall at his feet? or will I invite Him to dance with me? Will I sing, or will I have no words at all?)

IMAGINE what it would be like if all Christians everywhere came to know Jesus as their true life and identity.. just imagine.

Thank you Father that for those of us who are in you, are saved and can rest in knowing that we are one with you. Thank you that you loved us so much that you sent your son to die, so that we may live. Thank you that you are not finished with us yet and that you are constantly doing a good work in us. Thank you that we can experience you and that we don't have to imagine life without you or wait to experience you til we die. Thank you that you are here now.

I thank you also that the blood of your Son dealt with the issue of sin. That there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Thank you that we can offer that same forgiveness to those who have hurt us.

Thank you that I dont have to imagine life without you; that I have you living in me. Show me what it means to know you more. Amen

In Him,

Jacqueline

To My EBC Friends ...

Dear Friends, For the first time in three years I have no plans of future schooling; projects looming or books that I "have to" read. It is somewhat weird as I am cleaning up the living room from study notes; notes from many research papers and as I decide what text books I wish to keep and which ones I wish to sell; I am realizing that this is an ending but yet another beginning as well.

For some of you, you have lived in the "EBC bubble" for a few years and beginning in a couple short weeks, you will begin a new stage of your journey.

I am so thankful for the past few years at EBC. The instructors and students that I met there will always be a part of my memories. This morning I can't help but think of some of the men and women in the Bible and how we can learn from their life stories.

I think of Zaccheus and Elizabeth and how Zaccheus received back his voice when he declared to the world IN obedience to the world, that his son's name would be John.

I think of John who after spending years in the wilderness came with a message of hope and life to the world - what an incredible ministry!

I think of Moses and wonder how he must have felt being given the tremendous task of leading the children of Israel out of bondage; and delivering the Ten Commandments to the people.

And then I think of Mary, the woman who was chosen to give birth to our Saviour Jesus Christ. Who in the beginning of her journey would have heard much redicule being an unwed pregnant woman. Who then married, raised the boy child Jesus and then watched her beloved Son being tortured and crucified.

In the coming couple of weeks, the movie Passion of the Christ will be watched in our home in preparation for Easter, and as a mother, my heart cries for her as she watched Him endure the sins; guilt and shame fo the entire world. What a calling she had.

I write all this today as I realize that in many ways, a new step in ministry begins for the graduates of EBC. Our callings and ministries all look differently, and yet all are a wonderful opportunity to let the life of Jesus live in and through us to others. Whether you are going on to further education, work in a church or ministry or to a place of employment; you HAVE A CALLING and MINISTRY from God!!!

Before I close, for those following the Weight journey: this week: down 5.

Blessings to you all my EBC friends. May you continually seek HIS face and direction in this time of transition.

In His Hands,

Jacqueline

Peter ...

If I was to ask you what you know about the man called Peter in the Bible; chances are you may say something about walking on the water; the one with the big mouth; the one who questioned Jesus or perhaps the one who promised to never deny Jesus, and yet denied Him three times.

Do you know that Peter's name was first Simon. Simon meaning "tossed to and fro". Those of us who know the stories of Peter in the Bible know that there were times when Peter was tossed about; he wasn't resting; he questioned the Lord and yes, when pressured he did indeed deny Jesus.

One of the most well known stories with Peter is found in Matthew chapter 14 where Peter once again is the one to step out and declare his "bravery" and "boldness". He sees someone walking on the water to them, and after being encouraged that it is Jesus and not a ghost; Peter asks Jesus to invite him to walk on the water to come to Him.

(I often wonder why Peter gets such a bad reputation in some sermons? do we really think he is that different then some of us? or perhaps, some of you wish you were alittle more comfortable telling Jesus how you feel and asking Him your questions? Maybe you wish you were more like Peter?)

The story continues to say that Peter was walking on the water until he stopped looking at Jesus and began to look at the waves around him. It was then that he began to sink.

In our journey, when our eyes are focused on Jesus, we will not sink. When we have our eyes either focused on the waves or our own abilities we will sink. There will be results that are full of conflict and frustration.
I have to admit that this has been a weekend for me full of reminders of the times that I still attempt to walk in my own abilities. That the very thing I want to do, I Wasn't doing. And the very thing ( or being like the very person I didnt want to be like) I didn't want to do; I found myself doing.

Friends, we were never meant to live this life on our own resources; we are told over and over again to be plugged into the vine; to abide, rest and lean on Jesus.

Peter is a good lesson for me. Today as I write this, I am thinking about how I lost my patience this weekend and wishing I could turn back time.
How I struggled for answers, struggled to come up with a solution; when the whole time Father was waiting for me to sit, rest and ask Him what He wants to do in the situation.

Mark 4:16 tells us "and He appointed the twelve: Simon (to whom He gave the name PETER)." Do you know what Peter's new name was; As a chosen disciple of Jesus Christ? He was renamed by Jesus - His new name means ROCK - firm, solid (opposite to being tossed to and fro).

Are we living up to our new name? The new name the Lord has given us a new creations in Christ? Are we walking out of our new identity because of what was accomplished on the cross? or do we continue to walk in the old? The old way of doing things even though that old person was crucified with Christ? (Galatians 2:20)

It would appear, that like us, Peter sometimes struggled to always live in accordance to his new name; but take note; even when he did struggle, he continued to be a dear apostle of Jesus Christ. For it was Peter who confessed Jesus as Saviour (Matthew 16:16 - Peter says "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God".)

Father, Thank you that our acceptance is not based on how well we walk and behave. I thank you for your love and forgiveness. Father, I ask that you continue to remind us of our new identity and how we are to walk; that is how we are to live being fully devoted and plugged into you for our life in EVERY situation. For you are a way better parent, friend, spouse, sibling, boss, student, church member and employee then we could ever be. We invite you to come live in us and through us; that your life may be manifested in and through us. Amen

That's all for now,

In Him

Jacqueline

Friday Update

Well another Friday is here, and to be honest I have been tempted to not be so transparent today. I actually had decided to not go weigh in just so I wouldnt break a promise to you (but then I decided that you are all worth it, and I will absolutely keep my promise to you no matter the results).

I did go weigh in today and I was up 4 lbs. (Technically it was 3.5lbs but closer to 4). There are many reasons as to why the weight is up this week but I think the bigger lesson in it for me is how I was tempted to hide this from you.

We will all have days and weeks where we havent quite met our goal. Not all of your goals are the same. Some are: to lose weight; to work out more; to read a book a week; to learn greek; to write a research paper; study for an exam; be a more patient mother; be a more loving spouse and on and on.

I would not be helping anyone if I only shared when I met my goals and life was "smooth". There are times when we will not meet the "standard"; but it does not determine who we are. I will keep going (as will you).

I shared a verse this week with a groups of students which seems fitting to share today: 2 Corinthians 10:12 " For we are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves; but when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding (they are unwise)." Who have you been comparing yourself to? Is that why you set the goal? This won't apply to everyone, but I know from some of your emails that you can identify with what I am saying here.

Keep walking friends, we each have our own journey. Perhaps try to remember that the goal is not to fix you; but to know Jesus more.

I will close with this verse:

"My determined purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more and more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him"
Philippians 3:10 Amplied version

That's all for now, In Him

Jacqueline

Take the Time to Stop

Well another week has come and gone. This time of year is a busy one for me with finishing up school end projects; so thank you for being patient with my lack of new blog posts.

I was thinking about what I could share today and I realized that probably for the first time in a while, I have come to know my need to be still, quiet and process what Father has been saying to me.

I will however, share part of a conversation I had with my oldest son yesterday. In the moment it sure made me laugh, but then even in that, I believe Father had something profound to say to me.

My oldest is 17 years old, but like his mom, he tends to analyse many things and people (and yes, sometimes gets caught up in the paralysis of analysis). He was thinking about relationships with people, and wondered if there was ever a time when people had nothing more to talk about.

After talking about this for a while, I mentioned that sometimes silence is a sign of becoming (or being) comfortable with someone, and that there doesn't seem to be a need to make conversation.

Without missing a beat he said "Wow, I can see your boss doing that; but YOU Mom? I never thought you would EVER be out of words!"

Yes, we all had a good laugh about that. I do have many words that seem to need to get out. I remember when my babies were young; thinking I was going to die if an adult did not call or come to the door. I had all these words inside needing to get out.

Now that I spend most of my days talking to people, the need to talk at the end of the day, doesn't seem to be there as much. There are actually times of the week where I don't have any more words left - (wow, that's a miracle in itself is what my kids would say). That being said however, much of the time, I do still need to process verbally, and that is ok; for that is how I am made.

After we stopped laughing, I am positive I heard Father whisper, "Now it's time for you to sit in my silence. I want you to rest; stop trying to figure it all out and stop."

He was lovingly telling me to be comfortable with Him, to abide in the midst of this busy time; and to hear what He had to say to me about all these different things that were going on inside my head.

Have you taken time to "stop" lately? Taken time to quietly talk to Father? And more importantly, have you taken time to be still, to hear that still quiet voice?

That's all for now.

Jacqueline