Just a brief update to say "all is well". It has been a quiet journey for me the last couple of weeks, but a much needed time of rest and reflection which has proven to be very beneficial.
In a couple of weeks I will be back to work and getting ready for another school term to resume; I do love routines and I do love bein in school as well. I have been challenged to apply for social work program as well; so we will see where that takes me. I think the school OSAP debt is large enough, but being a social worker has always been a dream of mine; even more than a therapist... both of which I believe I am gifted at.
I continue the journey to understand a label of depression - well actually it falls under the category of "mood disorder". A label doesnt have to change anything; but should give a better understanding of something that is part of who the person is, or what the person (me) has to deal with.
I have entered an embarrassed state at how I handled things but I do feel better than I have in a very long time. I am hoping a brand new normal is going to come out of all of this as I continue to work through, and educate myself.
It definitely gives me a new understanding of others as I think back to those I have come across throughout my journey this far; and I am even more disgusted with Christians who declare judgement on someone - my word of advice for them would be "educate yourself and stop assuming you know it all". There I said it :)
Friday, August 1, 2014
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Hope in it all ...
I was chatting last night very honestly about some of my fears and some of my frustrations with this whole process. I forget things more easily right now; and my organizational skills are not as sharp and proficient as they once were. In fact, I remember someone saying to me after my divorce "Jacqueline you used to be so very organized with all your paper work". Yes, that was correct.. I used to be. Now, if you came to see my home - you would see all my papers nicely placed in baskets on a shelf .. that is about as organized as they get (until its time to make room in baskets for more).
I just finished reading another chapters in the book, and quite frankly I didnt read anything new in it. I read that people who have depression struggle with sharing their true feelings; they are their own worse critic; they have a strong desire to be well and to succeed ... yes most of the time that is correct. But, what I am really liking in this book is that it isnt giving up and deciding Depression Wins. It is living outside of depression; living with Depression but not letting it define you. In fact, the book is now getting into a part of stating the obvious, but then offering the hope that there is a way to rewire a depressed person's brain.
So, my thoughts today are .. Where does this leave the Christian who struggles with Depression?
Well if rewiring the brain around thoughts, truths, emotions and actions are part of healing from depressive episodes; one would think that Christians have a head start in the game with hope... do you think? I couldnt imagine going through life struggling, and not knowing that God had my back. But then again, there are times like everyone, where I still need to remind myself that God is not disappointed in me.
As a Christian, I have:
I still canhave a sense of peace that noone can understand in the midst of the trial' the journey' the struggle.
I feel like today's post was all over the map, but it was good to write and get it out.
That's all for now.
Jacqueline
I just finished reading another chapters in the book, and quite frankly I didnt read anything new in it. I read that people who have depression struggle with sharing their true feelings; they are their own worse critic; they have a strong desire to be well and to succeed ... yes most of the time that is correct. But, what I am really liking in this book is that it isnt giving up and deciding Depression Wins. It is living outside of depression; living with Depression but not letting it define you. In fact, the book is now getting into a part of stating the obvious, but then offering the hope that there is a way to rewire a depressed person's brain.
So, my thoughts today are .. Where does this leave the Christian who struggles with Depression?
Well if rewiring the brain around thoughts, truths, emotions and actions are part of healing from depressive episodes; one would think that Christians have a head start in the game with hope... do you think? I couldnt imagine going through life struggling, and not knowing that God had my back. But then again, there are times like everyone, where I still need to remind myself that God is not disappointed in me.
As a Christian, I have:
- a loving supportive community around me
- hope in knowing that there is One who loves me for me; just how I am
- a friend who will never leave you
- something to be thankful for even when life doesnt feel that way
- the knowledge and belief that God made me with all these emotions
I still canhave a sense of peace that noone can understand in the midst of the trial' the journey' the struggle.
I feel like today's post was all over the map, but it was good to write and get it out.
That's all for now.
Jacqueline
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Depression is ...
Depression is not a stranger to most of us; however it is something that we have heard many opinions on, but perhaps not all truth. I found a book that has been very helpful in explaining and understanding what clinical depression is -
"Undoing Depression - "What Therapy doesnt teach You and Medication Can't Give You" by Richard O'Connor PhD.
Let me share some of the points that have stood out to me - and what I hope to share with my friends and family as they walk along side me in this journey.
Depression is NOT:
There is a lot more I could share, but that seems good for now.
Let me share some of the points that have stood out to me - and what I hope to share with my friends and family as they walk along side me in this journey.
Depression is NOT:
- understood by many
- a sign of weakness
- a feeling
- something that one can simply "get over"
- an illness that only affects the weak, hurting and broken
- sadness or grief
- magically healed by "pulling yourself together"
- always inherited genetically
- cause to give up living or pursueing your dreams
- is a complex condition
- life changing
- an illness - and Depression untreated can lead to perm brain damage - can be life threatening
- sometimes paralyzing
- closely linked with anxiety; being told not to worry or to relax is insensitive advice for people who are living with Depression
- sometimes triggered by trauma, loss, rejection, life changes
- are aware of the stigma that comes with it and constantly hide or fight for that to be changed
- work harder to live than anyone else does - to not want to be done the hard work of living
- see life differently; and when in a Depression flair up - feel like depression controls them
- have coping mechanisms that have helped them survive; but in reality often help them hide
- fear being emotionally out of control
- fear making poor decisions and choices
- often give up
- like to have people lead and make decisions for them
- do not like to be alone long as they arent always hopeful they will make good choices.
- often overadapt trying to mask how they are really feeling
- are capable of holding professional jobs, being parents and succeeding in what they strive to do
- need continued affirmation, love, encouragement and time with friends /family
- are not striving to be happy; but rather to live with vitality - and a freedom to experience and feel every possible emotion
- need to work hard to remember they are capable and to let people into their walls of protection
There is a lot more I could share, but that seems good for now.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Relief in Knowing ...
When my Dad went to the doctor and he was told "yes, your concerns are valid, you do have cancer"; or the woman who wasnt understanding what she was doing wrong, but no matter how hard she tried her husband was distant with her; later to find out that he was having an affair. Or, perhaps the tired teen ager who couldnt manage to keep up, and then a simple blood test confirmed Mono.
In all these situations, there was a small sense of relief . Relief in having an answer; even though the answer wasnt necessarily what we were hoping to hear; the answer provided some clarity and perhaps direction on the next steps to take.
The last 8 years I have struggled much of the time inwardly; and sometimes outwardly as well. There were times where there was a cloud; or a heaviness that I didnt seem to understand (nor did I appreciate as it impacted my life in a variety of ways). I didnt know what it was about; and I would spend many hours trying to figure it out and analyze myself; only to become frustrated as I couldnt seem to put my finger on it.
I would know that I have so many things to be thankful for; and in fact MANY people I know who are friends of mine would tell me constantly "oh Jacqueline look how God has blessed you; we have so much to be thankful for; keep counting your blessings". While that was all true and great encouragement from my well meaning friends; instead of making me feel better; it often made me feel worse (as as you read this you are probably remembering some of my previous blogs about this very struggle). It was often a self induced attack of guilt for not being thankful enough; and for not being able to "get it together". Well... the time has come that I now have a small sense of "relief in knowing ..."
I hesitate in writing about this as many will question, judge and possibly criticize; but I also feel like there may be others who can actually relate. Who knows, maybe together we can come to an understanding without the guilt and shame that sometimes comes along with this topic to be discussed.
As many of you read - last year I was in the hospital for a couple weeks. I dont know what foresure brought it on. If it was burnout; depression; grief .. I dont know. But for a year now since being released; I have spent much of my time trying to know, to understand and to figure out what was wrong; because then I would some how be able to stop it from ever happening again.. whatever it was. And, to be honest, I probably spent much of the time trying to prove to everyone that I could do it; and that I was not dealing with any mental illness... even mild depression.
I was put on meds a year ago, a fairly calm med; but because it was winter; I had decided that perhaps part of my issue was the "winter blues"; or perhaps slight SADD - which is seasonaly depression (which many people struggle through every winter). So, in order to eliminate that, I decided to go through an entire winter while on medication and then decide if I felt they helped or not. And, if things were the same; I had decided that meant I did NOT have depression at all; and therefore the meds were not needed or required. HOWEVER, what that also would have meant (in my own self analysis) was - Jacqueline was responsible for her moods and needed to become a "better christian with a much more thankful heart" and "get her act together".
Well, a year came and went with ups and down; but also other transitions in life (including a wedding of my son and daughter in law). So to keep my word to myself, I in my own limited experience with medications, decided to go off my medication cold turkey and to "get on with life".
Fast forward 6 weeks... I was anxious, teary, moody, unable to make decisions, forgetful and easily aggravated and constantly irritable. Conclusion? I was in withdrawal AND indeed the meds had been helping. SO what was the next step in my irrational decision making? I decided to go back on my medication - full dose immediately. What did this then do? Sent my body into a complete shock of the entire system. Ya, not a pretty picture ... BUT, all this to say - there was relief in knowing WHY I was so upset and anxious.
Not, only that.. but I have come to learn and am still working on accepting that I indeed do suffer with Depression and will probably be managing this the rest of my life.
So, like the examples I shared at the beginningof this post - there is some relief in knowing. Because now I can move forward. First step? Yes, admitting I have depression. It is not me; it will not define me; and I am capable inspite of having this illness. But .. yes - I am Jacqueline who is a loving capable woman; who is God's daughter and yes, she happens to have depression.
Let the educating begin .... my next post will likely be sharing some of what I have come to learn and understand.
That's all for now ..
Jacqueline
In all these situations, there was a small sense of relief . Relief in having an answer; even though the answer wasnt necessarily what we were hoping to hear; the answer provided some clarity and perhaps direction on the next steps to take.
The last 8 years I have struggled much of the time inwardly; and sometimes outwardly as well. There were times where there was a cloud; or a heaviness that I didnt seem to understand (nor did I appreciate as it impacted my life in a variety of ways). I didnt know what it was about; and I would spend many hours trying to figure it out and analyze myself; only to become frustrated as I couldnt seem to put my finger on it.
I would know that I have so many things to be thankful for; and in fact MANY people I know who are friends of mine would tell me constantly "oh Jacqueline look how God has blessed you; we have so much to be thankful for; keep counting your blessings". While that was all true and great encouragement from my well meaning friends; instead of making me feel better; it often made me feel worse (as as you read this you are probably remembering some of my previous blogs about this very struggle). It was often a self induced attack of guilt for not being thankful enough; and for not being able to "get it together". Well... the time has come that I now have a small sense of "relief in knowing ..."
I hesitate in writing about this as many will question, judge and possibly criticize; but I also feel like there may be others who can actually relate. Who knows, maybe together we can come to an understanding without the guilt and shame that sometimes comes along with this topic to be discussed.
As many of you read - last year I was in the hospital for a couple weeks. I dont know what foresure brought it on. If it was burnout; depression; grief .. I dont know. But for a year now since being released; I have spent much of my time trying to know, to understand and to figure out what was wrong; because then I would some how be able to stop it from ever happening again.. whatever it was. And, to be honest, I probably spent much of the time trying to prove to everyone that I could do it; and that I was not dealing with any mental illness... even mild depression.
I was put on meds a year ago, a fairly calm med; but because it was winter; I had decided that perhaps part of my issue was the "winter blues"; or perhaps slight SADD - which is seasonaly depression (which many people struggle through every winter). So, in order to eliminate that, I decided to go through an entire winter while on medication and then decide if I felt they helped or not. And, if things were the same; I had decided that meant I did NOT have depression at all; and therefore the meds were not needed or required. HOWEVER, what that also would have meant (in my own self analysis) was - Jacqueline was responsible for her moods and needed to become a "better christian with a much more thankful heart" and "get her act together".
Well, a year came and went with ups and down; but also other transitions in life (including a wedding of my son and daughter in law). So to keep my word to myself, I in my own limited experience with medications, decided to go off my medication cold turkey and to "get on with life".
Fast forward 6 weeks... I was anxious, teary, moody, unable to make decisions, forgetful and easily aggravated and constantly irritable. Conclusion? I was in withdrawal AND indeed the meds had been helping. SO what was the next step in my irrational decision making? I decided to go back on my medication - full dose immediately. What did this then do? Sent my body into a complete shock of the entire system. Ya, not a pretty picture ... BUT, all this to say - there was relief in knowing WHY I was so upset and anxious.
Not, only that.. but I have come to learn and am still working on accepting that I indeed do suffer with Depression and will probably be managing this the rest of my life.
So, like the examples I shared at the beginningof this post - there is some relief in knowing. Because now I can move forward. First step? Yes, admitting I have depression. It is not me; it will not define me; and I am capable inspite of having this illness. But .. yes - I am Jacqueline who is a loving capable woman; who is God's daughter and yes, she happens to have depression.
Let the educating begin .... my next post will likely be sharing some of what I have come to learn and understand.
That's all for now ..
Jacqueline
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Loving Others ... His way
I have reread a few of my last blogs and realize that I was definitely in a struggle for a couple of months. I was writing about the struggle; the war inside and yet have come to believe that I am a normal Christian. In fact, a very well known author wrote me a letter and said "What kind of Christian are you anyways? Normal thats what!" .. I am/ you are/ we are loved beyond anything we can even imagine. Whether we are currently struggling or not. And I have come to firmly believe that it is healthy to struggle. As my pastor friend said "It shows that there is something worth fighting for".
Ok, enough about that .. I want to write today about something that has been on my mind off and on over the last couple of weeks. (I make no promises the thoughts will flow, but I am writing them down, lest I forget.) :)
Maybe its because we just celebrated both Mother's and Father's day; but Facebook has recently been full of quotes; pictures; and status' about loving others. And the more I read, the more I am being convicted about what that should look like. The message is in what I am reading; and in the songs I sing and listen to - there is a conviction stirring deeper in me; even though I continue to have much to learn about love and acceptance myself.
It doesnt take many brains to know that everyone wants love; but this time, I am not writing about me being loved or God being love... but rather, I have been thinking about - WHO He calls us to love and HOW He wants us to love. I wonder how many of us actually do love the people He does, and in the way HE does?
I was falling asleep last night and I was listening to Chris Tomlin's acoustic version of "I Will Follow You" and the line that stood out to me was "Who you love I'll love, who you serve I'll serve."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XnPL3LtxpA
I thought of Jesus and the people He loved (yes everyone); but He especially went out of His way to love those who others had labelled the 'unloveable'. I bet there is at least one person who came to mind now who you have a hard time loving. Right?
Two passages came to my mind on this ... first Jer 29 from our sermon last Sunday; vs 7 says to pray for your city you are in . In this passage, the children of Israel are in the city of their enemies. The very people who in the past had raped; killed; abused; and beaten their people/ their friends/their families. Just like in Jonah, God was asking that the people of the city be prayed for and I believe He wanted the people to be loving to all of those around.
It wasnt about their own personal comfort, but rather it was about the salvation of the city; in it God did promise to protect, but ultimately, it was not about them and their comfort.. but rather "for the sake of the world" (Currently series at LifeSpring Christian Fellowship, Waterloo).
The second passage is perhaps well known to most; but I think covers the topic well and is packed full of what love is; who we are to love; how we are to love ; why we are to love - Take a read of I John 4: 7-21 when you have time, stay there a while with me; as thats where I am parked right now.
To quote from "The Voice" - "Its easy to say "I love God", but genuine love reflects God's love. If we belong to God, then we will love each other regardless of how hard love is."
Lots more to think through... thats all for now
Jacqueline
Ok, enough about that .. I want to write today about something that has been on my mind off and on over the last couple of weeks. (I make no promises the thoughts will flow, but I am writing them down, lest I forget.) :)
Maybe its because we just celebrated both Mother's and Father's day; but Facebook has recently been full of quotes; pictures; and status' about loving others. And the more I read, the more I am being convicted about what that should look like. The message is in what I am reading; and in the songs I sing and listen to - there is a conviction stirring deeper in me; even though I continue to have much to learn about love and acceptance myself.
It doesnt take many brains to know that everyone wants love; but this time, I am not writing about me being loved or God being love... but rather, I have been thinking about - WHO He calls us to love and HOW He wants us to love. I wonder how many of us actually do love the people He does, and in the way HE does?
I was falling asleep last night and I was listening to Chris Tomlin's acoustic version of "I Will Follow You" and the line that stood out to me was "Who you love I'll love, who you serve I'll serve."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XnPL3LtxpA
I thought of Jesus and the people He loved (yes everyone); but He especially went out of His way to love those who others had labelled the 'unloveable'. I bet there is at least one person who came to mind now who you have a hard time loving. Right?
Two passages came to my mind on this ... first Jer 29 from our sermon last Sunday; vs 7 says to pray for your city you are in . In this passage, the children of Israel are in the city of their enemies. The very people who in the past had raped; killed; abused; and beaten their people/ their friends/their families. Just like in Jonah, God was asking that the people of the city be prayed for and I believe He wanted the people to be loving to all of those around.
It wasnt about their own personal comfort, but rather it was about the salvation of the city; in it God did promise to protect, but ultimately, it was not about them and their comfort.. but rather "for the sake of the world" (Currently series at LifeSpring Christian Fellowship, Waterloo).
The second passage is perhaps well known to most; but I think covers the topic well and is packed full of what love is; who we are to love; how we are to love ; why we are to love - Take a read of I John 4: 7-21 when you have time, stay there a while with me; as thats where I am parked right now.
To quote from "The Voice" - "Its easy to say "I love God", but genuine love reflects God's love. If we belong to God, then we will love each other regardless of how hard love is."
Lots more to think through... thats all for now
Jacqueline
Saturday, June 7, 2014
this war inside is still there ..
There is still a war inside .. and I am tired of fighting!
Sometimes I am fully aware of all that I have and all that has been done for me. I am overwhelmed with gratitude; and the worship and praise come easy. Other times however, I still want more. I feel unrest and I feel like there is this gigantic gap ; and because I feel that way; I am ashamed that it must mean I dont think God is enough.
But then I wonder, do I really feel that way or have religious people put that in my head with messages like "I cant be sad; feel unrest and still be a "good enough" Christian?"
Sometimes I sing with a loud heartfelt voice 'Christ is Enough' - and I mean every note that I sing; and then other times I feel unsatisfied and wonder how dare I sing those songs? What kind of a Christ follower am I ? Again, deep down, there is no way that voice is from God as He doesnt speak in condemnation; however I do know He asks big questions like "do you love me? do you trust me? am I enough for you? who is your king?"
Which then leads to reciting the memorized verses from days past; taking all the verses that were written to be encouraging; but sadly I remember the shame messages attached from "great men of faith". So instead of resting in the truth of His word; I then hear a deep voice "Well if you were His child - you would hear His voice; so either you arent His child or you arent listening". That voice cant be from God who loves me.
I wonder though, what if the verse "my sheep hear my voice " - actually is to be a message of love? maybe it should be interpreted as " Because you are my child/ my sheep ; you will be able to hear me, I will not ignore you, I will answer you and be there for you" .... wonder maybe??
Sometimes I am aware He calls me lovely and loves me ; but then I become so very angry and overwhelmed with myself; that I am not yet content with that.
I feel angry that I so easily forget, or I still want more. I admitted that there are days that I yearn for someone to stand up for me, take my side and defend me. But then a friend pastor challenges me with -"He died for you, isnt that enough?" Those words arent spoken in condemnation, but are a strong gentle reminder; someone DID pay the ultimate price of standing up for me. I (you) was worth dying for.
He is good all the time; He desires us to know Him and the power of resurrection .. so if that is true (and I believe it is) - then the only thing in the way .. is me. There is no magic formula He is holding back; so it comes down to me. My fault that I am not getting it. There is something I am not getting or believing or understanding or perhaps letting go of. And then the cycle returns to the beginning of me frustrated with me ...
There is this conflict going on inside and I am tired of it. I am sooo tired of it. I am tired of fighting; and yet I know its worth fighting for. We were made to know Him, to rest in Him ... the cross did the work; and yet .. what is it that I still struggle with ? Why is there a struggle? ANSWER PLEASE!
I write this knowing I am not the only one .. trite answers do not help the hurting and I wont give them anymore to anyone. People are intelligent, and they do not need to be told to just pray more, read more, trust more, be more thankful ... or .. maybe they do?
God hear our hearts; God hear my prayer... please show me not only so that I can rest, but also so I can make a difference for others too. I guess this is a fight worth fighting for; if it wasnt I wouldnt bother fighting!
all for now ..
Jacqueline
Sometimes I am fully aware of all that I have and all that has been done for me. I am overwhelmed with gratitude; and the worship and praise come easy. Other times however, I still want more. I feel unrest and I feel like there is this gigantic gap ; and because I feel that way; I am ashamed that it must mean I dont think God is enough.
But then I wonder, do I really feel that way or have religious people put that in my head with messages like "I cant be sad; feel unrest and still be a "good enough" Christian?"
Sometimes I sing with a loud heartfelt voice 'Christ is Enough' - and I mean every note that I sing; and then other times I feel unsatisfied and wonder how dare I sing those songs? What kind of a Christ follower am I ? Again, deep down, there is no way that voice is from God as He doesnt speak in condemnation; however I do know He asks big questions like "do you love me? do you trust me? am I enough for you? who is your king?"
Which then leads to reciting the memorized verses from days past; taking all the verses that were written to be encouraging; but sadly I remember the shame messages attached from "great men of faith". So instead of resting in the truth of His word; I then hear a deep voice "Well if you were His child - you would hear His voice; so either you arent His child or you arent listening". That voice cant be from God who loves me.
I wonder though, what if the verse "my sheep hear my voice " - actually is to be a message of love? maybe it should be interpreted as " Because you are my child/ my sheep ; you will be able to hear me, I will not ignore you, I will answer you and be there for you" .... wonder maybe??
Sometimes I am aware He calls me lovely and loves me ; but then I become so very angry and overwhelmed with myself; that I am not yet content with that.
I feel angry that I so easily forget, or I still want more. I admitted that there are days that I yearn for someone to stand up for me, take my side and defend me. But then a friend pastor challenges me with -"He died for you, isnt that enough?" Those words arent spoken in condemnation, but are a strong gentle reminder; someone DID pay the ultimate price of standing up for me. I (you) was worth dying for.
He is good all the time; He desires us to know Him and the power of resurrection .. so if that is true (and I believe it is) - then the only thing in the way .. is me. There is no magic formula He is holding back; so it comes down to me. My fault that I am not getting it. There is something I am not getting or believing or understanding or perhaps letting go of. And then the cycle returns to the beginning of me frustrated with me ...
There is this conflict going on inside and I am tired of it. I am sooo tired of it. I am tired of fighting; and yet I know its worth fighting for. We were made to know Him, to rest in Him ... the cross did the work; and yet .. what is it that I still struggle with ? Why is there a struggle? ANSWER PLEASE!
I write this knowing I am not the only one .. trite answers do not help the hurting and I wont give them anymore to anyone. People are intelligent, and they do not need to be told to just pray more, read more, trust more, be more thankful ... or .. maybe they do?
God hear our hearts; God hear my prayer... please show me not only so that I can rest, but also so I can make a difference for others too. I guess this is a fight worth fighting for; if it wasnt I wouldnt bother fighting!
all for now ..
Jacqueline
Friday, April 18, 2014
Good Friday reflections..
I have two thoughts to share with you.
1. We sat at church this morning - eating together and reflecting on the message of the cross .. communing! I came home and began thinking about how for so many years I could hardly handle attending Good Friday service; in fact I avoided them for a few years during hard times of my life.
The pain in my life was hard enough; and I felt like I had enough of the guilt and shame feelings.
Some of you are thinking "GOOD you should feel uncomfortable on Good Friday - we should remember all He went through for us and maybe if we remembered the pain and agony we wouldnt want to disobey Him."
And yet, without wanting to sound disrespectful - it shouldnt just be once a year; it also isnt all about the pain and agony. My God doesnt want us walking around in the guilt and shame. The cross dealt with that! I dont have to be solem like at a funeral to know what He has done for me.
He isnt dead - He is alive. He dealt with the old me .. in fact Galatians 2:20 says that the old me died there too. Why do we have to be solem about that? This is something wonderful and worth celebrating and being thankful and excited about. So .. today I celebrated. I loved the whole entire morning and while I am very reflective - I am also VERY thankful and no longer walking around feeling mournful on Good Friday. Thank you for the cross - thank you loving us. You paid a debt you did NOT owe!
I guess I believe we can be reflective and aware of all that happened at the cross without needing to be brought to a place of mourning; or of shame, guilt and the reminder of the "horrible sinners" we were. We know - we were there. But that person no longer exists. Yes I still sin - but I am a NEW creation.
Thank you for the cross! Thank you because of the cross I am new.Thank you that you have raised us to NEWNESS of life. Thank you that because of your great love for us - you provided a way for us to have this LIFE .. to have Jesus .. your very presence dwelling inside of us. Insert Song: REDEEMED or HAPPY DAY or Glorious Day :)
2. What did stand out to me today (as we read from Matthew 27), was the reminder that Jesus did not speak a mean word in retaliation as a response to the accusations, insults, betrayals and rejections. He remained silent . Isaiah says like a lamb to a slaughter; and yet He remained silent.
This past week I went through some rejection and betrayal; and immediately I felt crushed and then the need to "fix" the story; to defend myself and then I began taking steps to protect myself and to distance myself from the person spreading the story that was full of hurt and lies.
Then this morning: Jesus reminded me of how He was silent and still loved even after many people were done using Him for what they could get; and now were the ones demanding and participating in His cruel death! Jesus was innocent and remained innocent. He chose to love!
(I do want to quickly say, that choosing to love does not always mean reconciliation. Nor does it always mean relationship restored and many times loving someone means that new boundaries need to be in place.)
I was however left with the question: "Jacqueline, will you still choose to love that person? Will you love whether that person ever changes or not?" in fact, "what if that person's behaviour gets worse? Will you love - in my name? "
Last Sunday at church Pastor Shane Pickel talked about choosing life, choosing hope, choosing faith and choosing to love. This has been very applicable to what my week has entailed.
Thats all for now ..
Jacqueline
1. We sat at church this morning - eating together and reflecting on the message of the cross .. communing! I came home and began thinking about how for so many years I could hardly handle attending Good Friday service; in fact I avoided them for a few years during hard times of my life.
The pain in my life was hard enough; and I felt like I had enough of the guilt and shame feelings.
Some of you are thinking "GOOD you should feel uncomfortable on Good Friday - we should remember all He went through for us and maybe if we remembered the pain and agony we wouldnt want to disobey Him."
And yet, without wanting to sound disrespectful - it shouldnt just be once a year; it also isnt all about the pain and agony. My God doesnt want us walking around in the guilt and shame. The cross dealt with that! I dont have to be solem like at a funeral to know what He has done for me.
He isnt dead - He is alive. He dealt with the old me .. in fact Galatians 2:20 says that the old me died there too. Why do we have to be solem about that? This is something wonderful and worth celebrating and being thankful and excited about. So .. today I celebrated. I loved the whole entire morning and while I am very reflective - I am also VERY thankful and no longer walking around feeling mournful on Good Friday. Thank you for the cross - thank you loving us. You paid a debt you did NOT owe!
I guess I believe we can be reflective and aware of all that happened at the cross without needing to be brought to a place of mourning; or of shame, guilt and the reminder of the "horrible sinners" we were. We know - we were there. But that person no longer exists. Yes I still sin - but I am a NEW creation.
Thank you for the cross! Thank you because of the cross I am new.Thank you that you have raised us to NEWNESS of life. Thank you that because of your great love for us - you provided a way for us to have this LIFE .. to have Jesus .. your very presence dwelling inside of us. Insert Song: REDEEMED or HAPPY DAY or Glorious Day :)
2. What did stand out to me today (as we read from Matthew 27), was the reminder that Jesus did not speak a mean word in retaliation as a response to the accusations, insults, betrayals and rejections. He remained silent . Isaiah says like a lamb to a slaughter; and yet He remained silent.
This past week I went through some rejection and betrayal; and immediately I felt crushed and then the need to "fix" the story; to defend myself and then I began taking steps to protect myself and to distance myself from the person spreading the story that was full of hurt and lies.
Then this morning: Jesus reminded me of how He was silent and still loved even after many people were done using Him for what they could get; and now were the ones demanding and participating in His cruel death! Jesus was innocent and remained innocent. He chose to love!
(I do want to quickly say, that choosing to love does not always mean reconciliation. Nor does it always mean relationship restored and many times loving someone means that new boundaries need to be in place.)
I was however left with the question: "Jacqueline, will you still choose to love that person? Will you love whether that person ever changes or not?" in fact, "what if that person's behaviour gets worse? Will you love - in my name? "
Last Sunday at church Pastor Shane Pickel talked about choosing life, choosing hope, choosing faith and choosing to love. This has been very applicable to what my week has entailed.
Thats all for now ..
Jacqueline
Monday, April 7, 2014
To clamor or not to clamor - that is the question
A few words keep going around in
my head this morning since I posted my last post on God’s love. The words are
Complacent; Clamor and as a result of looking up clamor; I was led to look up
the meaning of vehement. Let me first define the words then attempt to tie them
together to express my thought.
Complacent: to be pleased, especially with oneself or one’s
merit and/or situation; self-satisfied. Synonyms: smug, unbothered, untroubled.
Clamor: a loud uproar; a vehement expression of desire or
dissatisfaction; to drive, force, influence
Vehement: zealous, impassioned; strongly emotional, intense or
passionate; marked by great energy or exertion; strenuous
Okay, so how
does one rest in knowing that “He who began a good work in me will complete it”
and yet not become complacent? I never want to be satisfied and think that I
know that I know everything about God. And yet, by my last post you have seen
by now that I sometimes still doubt; I
do not claim to know; but I do need to rest and be assured. To hunger and
thirst – seems to me to be actions – verbs.
We can know
His love; I do believe that is possible; I just haven’t totally arrived there
yet. But should be still clamor to know more of it and to know Him more
intimately?
Someone said
to me that I should clamor to know Him; to clamor for a bigger truer vision of
God. How does one force it? What is my part to do and what is my part to rest
in? I cant think that its my right to ask Him for more; to show me more – for
what else can we ask Him to do? Really!! But at the same time, I want to know
Him, I want to trust Him , I want to do HIS kingdom things and to not settle or
less than His will.
This leaves us asking, do I demand and fast; or do
I seek first His kingdom and keep walking and talking with Him and then
everything else falls in line?
We have to
ask ourselves as well: Do I truly want
Him and His will because that is all that I desire? Or is it because I know
that nothing else really satisfies and there is no point in striving for
anything less?
Welcome to my
wondering thoughts … That’s all for now.
God's Love
Yesterday at church we discussed three stages of love.
On a personal note - loved it liked it and hated it.
For a church discussion- Shane nailed it.
My take away and summary of Pastor Shane's message. May or may not be accurate.
1. Love Perceived:
- person in this stage knows there is love out there ( I am spkg specifically about God's love)
- this person knows there is more to relationship with God then religion and attending church; he or she may or may not continue with church. They may give up.
- I suppose this person can be believers or not
2. Love Received:
- person in this stage has received God's love
- I would think is saved; knows he or she is lost without God
- this person battles constantly between resting in the love and acceptance of God and striving and working for His approval ( and other's approval as well I assume)
- up and down
- moments of knowing but then moments of doubting
- fear doubt guilt comes to play here ( As a counselor I wonder the correlation between people who have been abused rejected addicted - who may linger longer in this stage)
- the religious traditional christian also lingers here for they dont know any different than doing what is right, tything regularly, attending church and memorizing for sake of knowledge
3. Love Believed:
- I dont have much to say about this; I admit I have not been in this stage ever .. Maybe briefly?
- in this stage- the person I assume has as scripture said " tasted and seen"
- no doubt ; can rest in knowing its all about Him and there is never any doubt to God's loveand acceptance
- this person does not live perfectly but is perfectly loved - I guess that applies to all stages- except this person knows it; knows they are loved perfectly
- I would add that they know that they know that they know
Questions we were send home to think about
1. Do I believe in love?
2. Do I believe in God's love?
3. How do I know of God's love or How do I know its true?
I believe in love because I look at my heart for my children and know that is love.
I also feel the hurt when I am starving for human love and affection
I believe in God's love - why else would his son have died?
Do I fully embrace and understand the total incredibleness ( if thats a word) of His love? Nope.
Its easier for me to answer how do I know I havent received completely His love? Because I still doubt. I fear Him at times; I doubt I am good enough at times; I strive to please Him many times a week and I am consumed with guilt and I sometimes distance myself when I feel like I have let Him down or I believe I need to fix me before I should even vunteer to be of any service to Him
Still a work in progress - yup
Jacqueline
On a personal note - loved it liked it and hated it.
For a church discussion- Shane nailed it.
My take away and summary of Pastor Shane's message. May or may not be accurate.
1. Love Perceived:
- person in this stage knows there is love out there ( I am spkg specifically about God's love)
- this person knows there is more to relationship with God then religion and attending church; he or she may or may not continue with church. They may give up.
- I suppose this person can be believers or not
2. Love Received:
- person in this stage has received God's love
- I would think is saved; knows he or she is lost without God
- this person battles constantly between resting in the love and acceptance of God and striving and working for His approval ( and other's approval as well I assume)
- up and down
- moments of knowing but then moments of doubting
- fear doubt guilt comes to play here ( As a counselor I wonder the correlation between people who have been abused rejected addicted - who may linger longer in this stage)
- the religious traditional christian also lingers here for they dont know any different than doing what is right, tything regularly, attending church and memorizing for sake of knowledge
3. Love Believed:
- I dont have much to say about this; I admit I have not been in this stage ever .. Maybe briefly?
- in this stage- the person I assume has as scripture said " tasted and seen"
- no doubt ; can rest in knowing its all about Him and there is never any doubt to God's loveand acceptance
- this person does not live perfectly but is perfectly loved - I guess that applies to all stages- except this person knows it; knows they are loved perfectly
- I would add that they know that they know that they know
Questions we were send home to think about
1. Do I believe in love?
2. Do I believe in God's love?
3. How do I know of God's love or How do I know its true?
I believe in love because I look at my heart for my children and know that is love.
I also feel the hurt when I am starving for human love and affection
I believe in God's love - why else would his son have died?
Do I fully embrace and understand the total incredibleness ( if thats a word) of His love? Nope.
Its easier for me to answer how do I know I havent received completely His love? Because I still doubt. I fear Him at times; I doubt I am good enough at times; I strive to please Him many times a week and I am consumed with guilt and I sometimes distance myself when I feel like I have let Him down or I believe I need to fix me before I should even vunteer to be of any service to Him
Still a work in progress - yup
Jacqueline
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Perspective ..
A year ago I wondered how I would survive the raging emotions that were causing such darkness. This year, the thoughts are different - Not dark, not overwhelming - but definitely worth wrestling through.
This I know - I am not near as afraid anymore
This I know - I dont feel alone hardly ever
This I know - God is so pleased when we speak whats on our heart as He knows the truth anyways
This I know - I am ok being me; but will stay teachable - take me as I am if you want me
This I know - there is more to know .. but I love what He is showing me.
This I know - I feel healthier than I ever have - like everything else a work in progress
This I know - I want God's way - even if it means letting go of some of my plans.
This I know - I believe the only ones that are "disqualified" are ones who cant admit their own stuff
This I know - my view of God is not near big enough .. BUT it is changing & growing daily
The word for the last couple of weeks has been PERSPECTIVE
Perspective: a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.
Perspective on reality
Perspective on others feelings towards you (me)
Perspective on God's thoughts and feelings towards you (me)
Perspective on future
Perspective on truth
- all comes from a frame of reference; lens of the past
As Pastor Shane says - God give us a bigger clearer vision of you
This I believe will change perspective on how we (I) face anything - anyone.
That's all for today
Jacqueline
This I know - I am not near as afraid anymore
This I know - I dont feel alone hardly ever
This I know - God is so pleased when we speak whats on our heart as He knows the truth anyways
This I know - I am ok being me; but will stay teachable - take me as I am if you want me
This I know - there is more to know .. but I love what He is showing me.
This I know - I feel healthier than I ever have - like everything else a work in progress
This I know - I want God's way - even if it means letting go of some of my plans.
This I know - I believe the only ones that are "disqualified" are ones who cant admit their own stuff
This I know - my view of God is not near big enough .. BUT it is changing & growing daily
The word for the last couple of weeks has been PERSPECTIVE
Perspective: a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.
| synonyms: | outlook, view, viewpoint, point of view, POV, standpoint, position, stand, stance, angle, slant, attitude, frame of mind, frame of reference, approach, way of looking, interpretation |
Perspective on reality
Perspective on others feelings towards you (me)
Perspective on God's thoughts and feelings towards you (me)
Perspective on future
Perspective on truth
- all comes from a frame of reference; lens of the past
As Pastor Shane says - God give us a bigger clearer vision of you
This I believe will change perspective on how we (I) face anything - anyone.
That's all for today
Jacqueline
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
This I know ..
These are my thoughts. They are not all mine, some are from meeting with others who are struggling ... and yes, some are mine.
This I know - God is going no where
This I wonder - what makes Him stay when we repeatedly fail Him?
This I know - God doesnt care if I ask Him questions or have doubts
This I wonder - Why do other Christians judge when we are honest?
This I know - When Jesus comes to stay He is there forever!
This I wonder - Why if we have Jesus do we strive for more? Why is He not enough?
This I know - all kinds of people I respect say that Jesus is their everything and that they dont need to be married. This I also know - those same people are married - would they say the same if they were married once and now divorced or widowed? How come they tried so hard to find a spouse if Jesus was enough?
This I know - sometimes the nonchristians in my life are more understanding and accepting
The most hurt I have suffered has been from people who claim to love and accept people unconditionally. BUT - This I also know - I also judge and hold christians to a higher standard; I am no better.
This I know - church should be a safe place to be yourself - warts and all. To not be scared that if they REALLY knew me .. they might not love me or want me around.
This I also know - many of my friends have been most hurt by christians who said they would walk with them through their struggle; but then judged and stopped being their friend.
This I wonder - why is it easier for Christians to love those in the "world" than fellow Christians who are not living like they "should"? Why do Christians look at their neighbours as a project to save - instead of just loving them as people?
This I know - I am a work in progress.
This I also know - I get tired of trying to be and look like others think I should be.
I also know that I am done trying to fit into anyone else's mold for me. I still struggle, I still doubt. I still have pride, I still fail, I still have emotional melt downs, I am not the perfect friend, employee, mother, daughter, counsellor, church attendee and I am tired of thinking I have to be.
I know I need to figure out who I am and just rest and be me.
This I know - God loves the girl on the corner; the druggie at the bus stop, the man or woman in jail JUST AS MUCH as He loves you, me. pastor, teacher or wife, husband, missionary ...
I also am coming to know that even though I dont understand some of Hebrews - I am pretty sure my God does NOT give warnings to His children that if we dont do this and this ... then look out.
It just doesnt fit. Otherwise, we would NEVER be able to enter His rest. AND then we are all in trouble - well at least I will admit I am in that case.
I also know that I am NOT at peace. There I said it.
I am not pleased with how Jacqueline lives every day. Sure somedays my behaviour is more "Acceptable" to myself; but other days I am angry at the choices I make, words I say, actions I do out of feelings .. people I have either hurt, offended or let down.
LOOK at what God has done for us? Instead of being thankful as I should be and ought to be .. I am frustrated that I only see it as more reason to never fail Him, or desire human friendship. And... therefore I am failing Him by not living in a constant state of hope or thankfulness and contentness.
I am done singing songs that I cant truly honestly say.
I cant say He is everything everything .
I can say HE should be and deserves to be
I can sing songs about Jesus Messiah .. but I am done singing songs that say things contrary to how I live.
I want it .. oh I want it. And I want it to be true. I get frustrated with myself for not letting Jesus be EVERYTHING
Is it a holy unrest? maybe. As I have prayed loudly "break my heart for what breaks yours|"; "Open our eyes to the things that make HIS heart cry .."
Is it a place of surrender - as in I give up? maybe. or, maybe its more defeat than surrender.
Is it .. show me your love and help me to love more ? Maybe.
Is it a good spot to be in and wrestle through? yes I believe so for the most part.
Someone I Trust said that last week to me.. so I am going to go with that. (Of course Satan has been whispering pretty loudly that all of this doubt and admission disqualifies me and that I should step back, shut my mouth and not even pray until I "get it together and walk in constant peace and truth")
This I know - I am not the only Christian person to struggle with this.
and sadly this I also know - some will judge this post. Even if its to say I shouldnt have posted it.
However I also know - there are others who are honest who will also say "what you too?" So glad you are honest it helps me to be.
Thats all for today
Jacqueline
This I know - God is going no where
This I wonder - what makes Him stay when we repeatedly fail Him?
This I know - God doesnt care if I ask Him questions or have doubts
This I wonder - Why do other Christians judge when we are honest?
This I know - When Jesus comes to stay He is there forever!
This I wonder - Why if we have Jesus do we strive for more? Why is He not enough?
This I know - all kinds of people I respect say that Jesus is their everything and that they dont need to be married. This I also know - those same people are married - would they say the same if they were married once and now divorced or widowed? How come they tried so hard to find a spouse if Jesus was enough?
This I know - sometimes the nonchristians in my life are more understanding and accepting
The most hurt I have suffered has been from people who claim to love and accept people unconditionally. BUT - This I also know - I also judge and hold christians to a higher standard; I am no better.
This I know - church should be a safe place to be yourself - warts and all. To not be scared that if they REALLY knew me .. they might not love me or want me around.
This I also know - many of my friends have been most hurt by christians who said they would walk with them through their struggle; but then judged and stopped being their friend.
This I wonder - why is it easier for Christians to love those in the "world" than fellow Christians who are not living like they "should"? Why do Christians look at their neighbours as a project to save - instead of just loving them as people?
This I know - I am a work in progress.
This I also know - I get tired of trying to be and look like others think I should be.
I also know that I am done trying to fit into anyone else's mold for me. I still struggle, I still doubt. I still have pride, I still fail, I still have emotional melt downs, I am not the perfect friend, employee, mother, daughter, counsellor, church attendee and I am tired of thinking I have to be.
I know I need to figure out who I am and just rest and be me.
This I know - God loves the girl on the corner; the druggie at the bus stop, the man or woman in jail JUST AS MUCH as He loves you, me. pastor, teacher or wife, husband, missionary ...
I also am coming to know that even though I dont understand some of Hebrews - I am pretty sure my God does NOT give warnings to His children that if we dont do this and this ... then look out.
It just doesnt fit. Otherwise, we would NEVER be able to enter His rest. AND then we are all in trouble - well at least I will admit I am in that case.
I also know that I am NOT at peace. There I said it.
I am not pleased with how Jacqueline lives every day. Sure somedays my behaviour is more "Acceptable" to myself; but other days I am angry at the choices I make, words I say, actions I do out of feelings .. people I have either hurt, offended or let down.
LOOK at what God has done for us? Instead of being thankful as I should be and ought to be .. I am frustrated that I only see it as more reason to never fail Him, or desire human friendship. And... therefore I am failing Him by not living in a constant state of hope or thankfulness and contentness.
I am done singing songs that I cant truly honestly say.
I cant say He is everything everything .
I can say HE should be and deserves to be
I can sing songs about Jesus Messiah .. but I am done singing songs that say things contrary to how I live.
I want it .. oh I want it. And I want it to be true. I get frustrated with myself for not letting Jesus be EVERYTHING
Is it a holy unrest? maybe. As I have prayed loudly "break my heart for what breaks yours|"; "Open our eyes to the things that make HIS heart cry .."
Is it a place of surrender - as in I give up? maybe. or, maybe its more defeat than surrender.
Is it .. show me your love and help me to love more ? Maybe.
Is it a good spot to be in and wrestle through? yes I believe so for the most part.
Someone I Trust said that last week to me.. so I am going to go with that. (Of course Satan has been whispering pretty loudly that all of this doubt and admission disqualifies me and that I should step back, shut my mouth and not even pray until I "get it together and walk in constant peace and truth")
This I know - I am not the only Christian person to struggle with this.
and sadly this I also know - some will judge this post. Even if its to say I shouldnt have posted it.
However I also know - there are others who are honest who will also say "what you too?" So glad you are honest it helps me to be.
Thats all for today
Jacqueline
Monday, March 24, 2014
God is so Good
Today I did what was long over due. I sat at a piano with no music and played and sang whatever came to mind (fingers and voice). It was a very neat hour of laying it out there.
As I was playing, an older song came to mind and it is so simple anyone can play it; so I sang and played:
God is so good; God is so good
God is so good; He's so good to me.
And if you know the song at all; there are many verses to be added and sung. So, whether officially part of the song or not - I began singing another verse: "You died for me ... "
And then something REALLY cool happened; the words just came flowing out - not missing one beat or note:
You died for me; to set me free
You died for me - to give Vic-tor-y
Then next verse same thing happened:
You understand; you help me stand
You walk with me and you hold my hand
Just wanted to write this down before I forgot and to encourage you all.
Take time friends. Be still and let Him speak to you.
Til next time
Jacqueline
As I was playing, an older song came to mind and it is so simple anyone can play it; so I sang and played:
God is so good; God is so good
God is so good; He's so good to me.
And if you know the song at all; there are many verses to be added and sung. So, whether officially part of the song or not - I began singing another verse: "You died for me ... "
And then something REALLY cool happened; the words just came flowing out - not missing one beat or note:
You died for me; to set me free
You died for me - to give Vic-tor-y
Then next verse same thing happened:
You understand; you help me stand
You walk with me and you hold my hand
Just wanted to write this down before I forgot and to encourage you all.
Take time friends. Be still and let Him speak to you.
Til next time
Jacqueline
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
January 22
I dont have anything of real importance to write about today, but I did think an update would be good as some of you have been asking what I am doing currently, let me see if I can summarize.
"Ministry" (I hesitate to use this word as all christians have a ministry)
I continue to counsel when asked - both individuals, families and couples. I had the privilege of speaking at a Jr High retreat last weekend; I give of my time in a couple churches and at a local Christian fostering agency.
"Home Life" - I continue to offer rooms to young women - currently have one teen and one young woman who works locally. The third room is sometimes used by my daughter Melanie.
My oldest Son will be married this coming May 3rd; so I will be a mother in law.
"Community" - (As I type this I think what a cool name for a church gathering). I continue to call LifeSpring Christian Fellowship my church family; and I have recently also joined a downtown church who aim to be a relevant spot in Kitchener as they teach about and share who is "relevant" - JESUS! I am sure they soon will become family as well :) You know? I am not sure how anyone gets by without a community of safe loving people around them.
"Personally" - I continue on my journey and every month I try to take time to examine what God has been doing in my life. He is so faithful, patient, gentle, forgiving,loving and kind (oh look at that - the fruit of the spirit - imagine) he-he. I know I have written this before, but I continue to pray that I will remain soft and teachable for the rest of my days. In addition to spiritual growth; I continue my journey to better health and I feel great.
I think I will close this for now
Til Next Time
Jacqueline
"Ministry" (I hesitate to use this word as all christians have a ministry)
I continue to counsel when asked - both individuals, families and couples. I had the privilege of speaking at a Jr High retreat last weekend; I give of my time in a couple churches and at a local Christian fostering agency.
"Home Life" - I continue to offer rooms to young women - currently have one teen and one young woman who works locally. The third room is sometimes used by my daughter Melanie.
My oldest Son will be married this coming May 3rd; so I will be a mother in law.
"Community" - (As I type this I think what a cool name for a church gathering). I continue to call LifeSpring Christian Fellowship my church family; and I have recently also joined a downtown church who aim to be a relevant spot in Kitchener as they teach about and share who is "relevant" - JESUS! I am sure they soon will become family as well :) You know? I am not sure how anyone gets by without a community of safe loving people around them.
"Personally" - I continue on my journey and every month I try to take time to examine what God has been doing in my life. He is so faithful, patient, gentle, forgiving,loving and kind (oh look at that - the fruit of the spirit - imagine) he-he. I know I have written this before, but I continue to pray that I will remain soft and teachable for the rest of my days. In addition to spiritual growth; I continue my journey to better health and I feel great.
I think I will close this for now
Til Next Time
Jacqueline
Monday, January 20, 2014
I love ...
I love spending weekends with Jr High at a yearly retreat
I love reminders of how God has been with us all along the way
I love when God chooses to use us.
I love when God shows us how much He loves us.
I love when we think a situation is horrible, and God shows us what He is doing in it.
I love hearing "God moments" from a new good friend.
I love sitting with friends and laughing.
I love hearing stories of children coming to know Jesus.
I love music ...
I love furry animals.
I love my little rental house.
I love the word of God that we can hold in our hands.
I love when we are being used in situations we are gifted for.
I love honesty.
I love friends who dont just agree with you but actually speak into a situation.
Most of all .. I love God .. my Friend, Saviour, Lord, Healer, Redeemer!
Just felt the need to be thankful ...
Til Next Time - Jacqueline
I love reminders of how God has been with us all along the way
I love when God chooses to use us.
I love when God shows us how much He loves us.
I love when we think a situation is horrible, and God shows us what He is doing in it.
I love hearing "God moments" from a new good friend.
I love sitting with friends and laughing.
I love hearing stories of children coming to know Jesus.
I love music ...
I love furry animals.
I love my little rental house.
I love the word of God that we can hold in our hands.
I love when we are being used in situations we are gifted for.
I love honesty.
I love friends who dont just agree with you but actually speak into a situation.
Most of all .. I love God .. my Friend, Saviour, Lord, Healer, Redeemer!
Just felt the need to be thankful ...
Til Next Time - Jacqueline
How Do People Feel When You Talk With Them?
Recently I had a conversation that was honest, straightforward and left me feeling like a woman of worth.
The conversation was with someone who is my authority in many ways, and I got to thinking - WOW, I have not had that happen much in my life.
Often, I have left conversations with people (men mostly) who are in some way or another an authority in my life, worried about what they thought of me, or not feeling heard and listened to.
I think that no matter what we have to talk with someone about .. we can be sure that "this will end well" (to quote a friend of mine).
The conversation was with someone who is my authority in many ways, and I got to thinking - WOW, I have not had that happen much in my life.
Often, I have left conversations with people (men mostly) who are in some way or another an authority in my life, worried about what they thought of me, or not feeling heard and listened to.
I think that no matter what we have to talk with someone about .. we can be sure that "this will end well" (to quote a friend of mine).
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