Hope in it all ...

I was chatting last night very honestly about some of my fears and some of my frustrations with this whole process. I forget things more easily right now; and my organizational skills are not as sharp and proficient as they once were. In fact, I remember someone saying to me after my divorce "Jacqueline you used to be so very organized with all your paper work". Yes, that was correct.. I used to be. Now, if you came to see my home - you would see all my papers nicely placed in baskets on a shelf .. that is about as organized as they get (until its time to make room in baskets for more).

I just finished reading another chapters in the book, and quite frankly I didnt read anything new in it. I read that people who have depression struggle with sharing their true feelings; they are their own worse critic; they have a strong desire to be well and to succeed ... yes most of the time that is correct. But, what I am really liking in this book is that it isnt giving up and deciding Depression Wins. It is living outside of depression; living with Depression but not letting it define you. In fact, the book is now getting into a part of stating the obvious, but then offering the hope that there is a way to rewire a depressed person's brain.

So, my thoughts today are .. Where does this leave the Christian who struggles with Depression?

Well if rewiring the brain around thoughts, truths, emotions and actions are part of healing from depressive episodes; one would think that Christians have a head start in the game with hope... do you think? I couldnt imagine going through life struggling, and not knowing that God had my back. But then again, there are times like everyone, where I still need to remind myself that God is not disappointed in me.

As a Christian, I have:

• a loving supportive community around me
• hope in knowing that there is One who loves me for me; just how I am
• a friend who will never leave you
• something to be thankful for even when life doesnt feel that way
• the knowledge and belief that God made me with all these emotions

Someone once said only a Christian can experience joy and suffering at the same time. I agree with this; as there is a joy and peace in knowing I am not defined by Depression; but I can still be struggling through the journey and coming to terms with traumas from past etc ...
I still canhave a sense of peace that noone can understand in the midst of the trial' the journey' the struggle.

I feel like today's post was all over the map, but it was good to write and get it out.

That's all for now.

Jacqueline