Much To Learn ...

I remember once hearing that christians should rejoice all the time, and never feel sad, lonely, angry or depressed. Well friends, the last couple of days for me I have felt much of those feelings (not to mention:anxious, fearful, frustrated, doubt and inadequate). To put your minds at ease, there is nothing huge going on; although there has been a great amount of heart surgery between the faithful physician and I over the last 5 days.

In the midst of those 'heavier' feelings I have also felt calm and peace, but what struck me was how once we let a destructive thought in, just how easy it is to let it have the ability to corrupt my feelings and actions. We are told to "take every thought captive" for a reason. The battle is in the mind and if we let the thoughts that are lies seep through, it affects much more than our thinking.

Last weekend began the doubts and thoughts of just how inadequate I am. I began to doubt and I started paying attention to all the lies that were being planted. From there, I began to believe those lies and even in some situations, I began to act out of them. Today I asked God what was going on and why was I so emotionally drained since last Friday. After I prayed, I came to realize just how many of those lies I had been believing over the past few days.

Those lies and doubts began to fester and spread like a bad case of chicken pox. My "stinkin thinkin" started going down a path with thoughts such as "I am: inadequate at work, inadequate with friends, inadequate as a mom (with two teens in the house, one of them seems to be unhappy with me about something on most days) and of course, I am so inadequate I have no place in ministry anywhere." Wow eh? what a load of lies ...

So, what is the "right" thing to do with those kind of thoughts? For we all have moments where we have them right? Is it as simple as replacing them with truth ? (God's word says that "the truth will set us free" John 8:33) How do we discover what the truth is? What do we do with the lies and doubts? And, not to meantion, many of us know the verses like "When I am weak, God is strong" or "all discipline is not pleasant for the moment"... but then what? What are we called to do next? (If you havent noticed, I am not giving many answers, I am simply laying out the questions and thoughts for you to think on. I pray that you all know that the answer ultimately rests in Jesus and your walk with Him).

To be honest, I am absolutely inadequate in and of myself (so those thoughts weren't all lies); and, I am only equipped to do what is asked of me - because of Christ in me;not my own ability. It is when I am weak, that HE IS strong.

I believe there is a difference between being humble and having a pity party. I also believe it is an insult to Father for anyone of us to think less of ourselves than we are. For He has made us COMPLETE in HIM. If we are not acceptable now, then what does that say about the work of Jesus on the cross? Was it not enough then?

For me, I ask Father if there is any truth in what I am thinking? What am I supposed to learn from this experience, and is there any truth in what as just said to me or what I was being accused of?

Regarding past mistakes that the devil keeps throwing in your face; well, with those you can tell the devil where to go because my God has thrown them far away; never to be remembered no more.

Ask Father to remind you of the truth of who you are, and who has your back. Choose to meditate on His words that His understanding never ceases, and He never grows weary or irritated with you.

I share this leg of my journey to keep my promise of being honest. I want you to know that there are other Christian friends who love Jesus, but have struggles on hard days as well.

It is a learning process, and for me, I want to learn how to walk more intimately with Father. I want to learn how to trust Him at all times. I want to learn how to ask Him FIRST before anyone else and finally, I want to learn to be thankful in all situations.

How encouraging is it for us, that Paul writes in Philippians 4:11-12 that he has to learn to be thankful and to rejoice. " ... "he learned how to be content ... he learned how to live on almost nothing ... and he learned the secret of living in every situations ..." (This thought was from a book I recently read by Ann Voskamp - one thousand gifts).

I am (and that means you are too) just where God wants you to be. He is not surprised by the choices that you made today. He is not surprised with you admitting how you feel to Him; (for He knows your very thoughts anyways.) Be honest and open with Him, for He knows all about you and loves you just the same!

Before I close, can you do me one favour? Read the repeated phrase below four times and each time think about the word that is capitalized.

he ... loves ... me

HE... loves ... me

he ... LOVES ... me

he ... loves .... ME

Let me close with one of my all time favourite quotes: I believe the author is Thomas Merton.

"All I am or ever hope to be is in Him. without Him I am nothing, with him, I am everything, and when I am not "everything" He loves me still!"

Til next time,

Jacqueline