Well, my journey continues - and it is time to to walk without the crutch. For me, the crutch of waiting for the " next shoe to drop" - to be waiting for the next " hurt" to come along. For what I have been doing is using the events of the past to protect myself and to dictate how I live today. I have been walking leaning on that and it has been getting in the way. As of late, Father has been faithful in showing me that it has been slowing me down and preventing me from being completely whole.
We are not promised an "easy road", in fact we are promised trials and pressures .. so why do I continually be surprised by the "crap" that comes my way? I am coming to understand that I am "surprised" and left discouraged when I cant seem to see things from God's perspective.
I tend to look at my circumstances from my view point, but forgetting all those times that I have prayed - "continue to prepare me for what you want ... make me into a godly woman.... continue your loving, refining process ... " YES those are all very dangerous prayers to pray, but He is completing a work that he began! God is faithful and He does not allow anything to happen that is not / cannot be used for HIS good.
Yes, the events of becoming "single again" were life changing and very hurtful, however they do not have to dictate how I live today nor dictate my future. After talking with a friend yesterday, I was encouraged to stop looking at the present events thru the "filter of the past" - but rather trusting that whatever is going to happen, I need to have Faith that Father God loves me and will use whatever is ahead. Its time to be free of the past once and for all .. to dump that burden at the foot of the cross once and for all.
What I have been doing, is everytime a new hurt comes along.. instead of just dealing with that hurt ( ie my grandma dying) - I would then add that to the other hurts and it would become "bigger". I was not just grieving the death of my dear grandma, but I was also "adding up" in my head all the losses that have happened and then I end up taking a downward spiral.
Thanks R for your continued encouragement and pushing to walk in truth!
Today, I am choosing to walk differently ( and yes, I am aware that it will take time to learn to walk this new way) - but I am purposing to look thru the filter of Jesus and the cross and not the filter of the past. Here's to new beginnings ... til next time, jackie
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