a few blogs to catch up ...

ok - so I tried myspace..didnt like it so much.. plus all I really wanted to do is blog.. so here is the last few blogs .... hope you enjoy reading!!

13 Aug 2008 - Get Up and Walk
Jesus says " Get up and Walk" - seems simple doesnt it? I always read that portion of scripture and was somewhat judgemental. "Who wouldnt want to get up and walk?" If I was lame and then healed, I sure would have been jumping up and down and running down the street. Oh really? I need to take all that judgement back... Over the past three years Father has done alot of healing in me.. and last week I was encouraged to "get up and walk". Hmmm, it would appear that one week later, I am still sitting here .. scared to get up.
So, what does get up and walk really mean? Well in my story, it means to be well. Take the steps Father is asking me to do. Continue with the "physiotherapy" and trust. It means, stop sitting there being sick. In another story, Jesus asks someone " do you want to be well?" ( again Jackie would have answered.. duh.. of course - who wouldnt want to be well?")
Now, there are alot of reasons and excuses for why people refuse to get up. I have been saying "I cant" but a good friend has said "no Jackie, you wont". He has said to me that I am still not ready to let go of what is comfortable. Yes, I am tired of sitting there and I want to be doing what Father has instore for me.. but to get to the next point.. I need to be ready to let go of what I have known for over 30 years.
I admit, I am scared.. but I know that until I do, I sit frustrated. (I have even been looking for other ways to be able to walk.. and it all leads to frustration!) Now, let's be honest, who wants to let go of their crutch if they dont know if their legs will hold them right? But, until we do, we continue to miss out what is ahead.
I realise this blog isnt going to make sense to everyone, and that is ok.. as it is mostly for me anyways. But, I am also positive that I am not the only one that struggles with this. Most of us have something that we are still not willing to let go of; or maybe Father is asking you to get up and jump up on the surgery table. It is time to cut away something that is no longer needed for His purpose ..( ok.. who's ready to go under the knife of our loving God?)
Jesus has not given us a spirit of Fear... so why are we so chicken? That's the bottom line right? Too scared to take that step away from, or let go of what we know. So, what are we scared of? Where are we putting our trust? In myself?
Let's go with the biggest one for me - fear of rejection and more hurt. Why would I willing put myself out there , waiting to be rejected again? BUT, if this is the way that I am going to live the rest of my days, then that means that I am focusing on ME and I am not walking in the spirit, but rather in the flesh. Trying to protect Jackie at all costs. Which, ultimately, results in defeat and frustration - death, not life.
I heard a speaker who told the story of playing in the pool with his two children. (Forgive me if I dont get the story exactly how it was said). While playing, his son was having a great time jumping from the side of the pool into his Daddy's arms. However, his daughter was too scared to try.
Isnt that like us? Our Abba Daddy is standing there saying "jump - I will catch you" and we are too scared. Pastor Frank Freidmann goes on to say, that if we are "scared to jump" this means we believe one of two things - 1.We dont trust that Father wants to catch us or 2. We doubt that Father CAN catch us.
Until we are ready to trust the one who created us and gave His son's life for us... we will continue to be "lame" and be left sitting on the side of the road missing out. There is nothing that we need or are in need of that Father doesnt promise me. Ps 23:1 "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want".
That's all for now, jackie

12 Aug 2008 - Without Him I Can Do Nothing ...
Today is a day that I am aware that I need Jesus to get thru this day. Nothing major is going to happen today ( that I foresee) but I am more aware of my own weakness today. (Itmight have something to do with the fact that I stayed up too late watching Olympics) But, it is vain to think that I, in myself am a "good mom"or a "good friend" I need to keep reminding myself, that if Jesus knew he could do NOTHING without the Father.. then the same goes for us ( John 15:5). I cannot be the mom I need to be - without Jesus. I cannot be the "loving neighbour or friend" that I should be - without Jesus.
I think that sometimes we have this list of things that we think is " Jesus stuff" and then we have this list of things that we think we have to handle on our own. So who decides what goes on what list? Could it be that Jesus is part of every decision and action anyways? Why not let him in on all the decisions as well?
I write this today as a reminder to me. I have realised that over the past few days, I have done alot out of " Jackie Strength" and that is not the way that Jesus wants it to be. HE lives in me, He is my life, so why not stay plugged into Him every moment of the day? (Not to mention, if I only spoke the words "out of Jesus strength" .. I wouldnt have near the amount of times that I ask myself "oh why did I just say that?"
Jesus says he wants to be involved in every area of our life. For, even if what I am trying to do is a "good and noble thing" ( eg . be a good friend by helping with the little kids) - If I do this in my own "jackie strength" - it is not pleasing to Jesus. Maybe Jesus wants me to stay home and spend time quiet before him instead of helping babysit? Maybe Jesus wants to do a work in my friend that day, and if I was to go help "relieve" her with the kids, maybe that gets in the way of my friend coming to know that she needs "JESUS to be mommy today"?
He wants to be our everything.. He wants us to be plugged in to him every moment of the day .. not trying and trying to do things in our own strength. This is the best way for us to let our light shine to those around us. To be used how HE wants to use us.
So that being said, I am going to be Mom today - plugged into Jesus. I am sure my kids will be glad for that!
Til next time - jackie

11 Aug 2008 - Where has the time gone?
As I was leaving Karen's house today, I was thinking about how excited her little girl Anna is about starting kindergarten. It seems like just a couple years ago, I packed my boy's bags with indoor running shoes and a snack, and sent them off to Mrs Haines' class. But that was 10 years ago, and this week I have to sit down and figure out who needs what for this upcoming school year. My boys are now starting High School. Where has the time gone?
Some days, I wish I could go back and redo it. To take time to enjoy all the littleents and not be in such a hurry. Remember when they were babies? How we got so excited when they said their first word, took their first step.. and we could hardly wait until they were out of diapers and starting to put on their own shoes...
But today, I am wishing I could go back and redo some of those moments. To really enjoy sitting and watching Barney and learning to count; to enjoy the cuddles all I can, to stop worrying about getting dishes done and to just sit and read a book. If only we could know what we know now to redo life again...
Matthew, my oldest, told me yesterday that in 18 months he can drive.... WHAT>??? I am not ready to be mom of a driver that is foresure!!
Our time with our children is short, and I need to remember to make the most of each of the moments that I have with my children. It seems like we have gone from a home with babies and toddlers - to a home with teen agers - as quick as over night!! Where has all the time gone? I am purposing to make the most of the next few years, because all too soon, they will be graduating high school, moving on to bigger things .. and I will then once again ask "Where has all the time gone?"
That's all for today, til next time - jackie

06 Aug 2008 - What’s on your fix it list?
I was wondering today, how long are other people's lists of the things you would like to change about yourself? I know my list seems to get longer and longer every day. But, then I need to stop and ask myself, "What if nothing on that list ever changes? Do I accept me for me inspite of the flaws?"
Have you ever taken the time to ask Jesus what He has to say about your "fix it list?" Maybe you think that is something that He isnt even interested in hearing about.. that is a lie. He wants us to take EVERY burden to him... take EVERY thought to him ...
Are those items on your list really there because God has laid them on your heart or is that your own personal opinion and estimated worth of the value of HIS MASTERPIECE?
Are you still living with this lie that you are not acceptable until you fix that list? These are just some of the questions I have been thinking about over the past few days. What if Father God asked you " do you like you?" How would you respond? (Notice I didnt ask " do you love yourself?")
As I have been reading the book " Abba's Child" by Brennan Manning, I have been challenged to see things from Father's perspective, and this has made me do ALOT of thinking, so be ready for several blogs on this very issue for the next while.
My point of this entry is not to make anyone feel bad about having "their list" - I have my own list to, but I have been challenged to take time to ask God what HIS list is.. and I think that we would all be surprised at what He would have at the top of is list. Perhaps He would have one thing on His list.. and that would simply read " Get to know me".
Before I close for today, here is a quote that I just love .."All I am or ever hope to be is in Him. without Him I am nothing, with him, I am everything, and when I am not "everything" He loves me still!"
For now, jackie