Every fall I get excited around this time of year ( and no it is not because all the kids go back to school!) Fall is a great time for beginnings. I like it better then January, it's a new school year, a new ministrey year. Bible studies start up, programs resume after a summer break - I love September! I can get out the comfy clothes again - and yes there is something in me that thrives on routine.. so that being said I LOVE SEPTEMBER!
This year will be a bit different. (Oh, for those of you who actually read this and are wondering - I did get into school by the way), so every morning we will all be heading out the door (school bags and all); and every evening after dinner is cleaned up, out will come the homework.
I am sure there will be moments where this will not run smoothly, but that;s ok. I am learning to take it all one moment at a time. We have made it this far and Father God is faithful in all his promises. He is rebuilding and restoring in the lives of the Williams Family.
So, before I close - I am changing my name ( well sort of..)
I have thought about going back to my maiden name ( but then I am different from the kids) and I became a Williams from a Freeman, so changing a name will not take me back 15 years.
But, there is something to be said about living out of a new name. It adds to the "new beginnings" a brand new start. So, I am going to start the transition of going from "Jackie" to "Jacqueline" - which is techinically my real name anyways.
We are new creations in Christ, He has called us by a new name.. and it is up to us to live out of that new identitiy!!
That's all for now.. blessings to each of you as you get your families ready for the new beginnings that fall brings for each of you!
Jacqueline
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Moving On ...
For the past few years, I was holding on to what "might" happen. I wasnt ready to move on and I wanted what was before. I wanted my life back as I knew it! I didnt want to face anything new. (Now, to give myself a break, I was also not emotionally ready to begin something new either.).I had my life all planned out, and being a single mom was not in those plans. I was going to be a mom and wife for the rest of my days. There was nothing wrong with those plans and goals, but obviously, there was a change and now I need to think beyond all that.
So, I am taking steps to moving forward... (and it feels great!) I have applied to go back to school and it is scarey but exciting all at the same time! I had no idea what the process would all entail and it has been ( umm.. approx 19 years ) a long time since I have been in school.
I had to track down transcripts, proof of marital status, financial records etc etc .. find three people who would give a very honest reference and most importantly, pray continously about whether Father wants me to attend this particular school or not. This has been really good for me to do this and to see that I can move on - everything will be ok.
I only want to go to school if it is what Father wants for me - so please continue to pray for me as I seek His will on all of this. There is a good chance that I will hear this week if I was accepted or not, but it is looking good so far. Now we just need to wait on the "financial" stuff to be figured out. But this I know, if Father wants me to go to school, He is going to provide and work out all the details!!
Moving on is scarey stuff, letting go of the familiar is a little tough, but it is how you press on as well. God has exciting things ahead and He promises to rebuild and restore. How can we experience all that if we are still holding back and walking out of fear instead of faith?
Now, Jackie needs to daily remind herself that I am not to be doing this in my own "Jackie strength" but with Jesus - but, that's another day's blog ... Til next time, Jackie
So, I am taking steps to moving forward... (and it feels great!) I have applied to go back to school and it is scarey but exciting all at the same time! I had no idea what the process would all entail and it has been ( umm.. approx 19 years ) a long time since I have been in school.
I had to track down transcripts, proof of marital status, financial records etc etc .. find three people who would give a very honest reference and most importantly, pray continously about whether Father wants me to attend this particular school or not. This has been really good for me to do this and to see that I can move on - everything will be ok.
I only want to go to school if it is what Father wants for me - so please continue to pray for me as I seek His will on all of this. There is a good chance that I will hear this week if I was accepted or not, but it is looking good so far. Now we just need to wait on the "financial" stuff to be figured out. But this I know, if Father wants me to go to school, He is going to provide and work out all the details!!
Moving on is scarey stuff, letting go of the familiar is a little tough, but it is how you press on as well. God has exciting things ahead and He promises to rebuild and restore. How can we experience all that if we are still holding back and walking out of fear instead of faith?
Now, Jackie needs to daily remind herself that I am not to be doing this in my own "Jackie strength" but with Jesus - but, that's another day's blog ... Til next time, Jackie
Friday, August 15, 2008
A quote ....
".. You can't carry the weight of the past-that's what FORGIVENESS is for. You can't carry all the uncertainties of the future-that's what FAITH is for; you must focus on today. Let's deal with what we can....." James MacDonald
Time to get up and walk without "the crutch" ...
Well, my journey continues - and it is time to to walk without the crutch. For me, the crutch of waiting for the " next shoe to drop" - to be waiting for the next " hurt" to come along. For what I have been doing is using the events of the past to protect myself and to dictate how I live today. I have been walking leaning on that and it has been getting in the way. As of late, Father has been faithful in showing me that it has been slowing me down and preventing me from being completely whole.
We are not promised an "easy road", in fact we are promised trials and pressures .. so why do I continually be surprised by the "crap" that comes my way? I am coming to understand that I am "surprised" and left discouraged when I cant seem to see things from God's perspective.
I tend to look at my circumstances from my view point, but forgetting all those times that I have prayed - "continue to prepare me for what you want ... make me into a godly woman.... continue your loving, refining process ... " YES those are all very dangerous prayers to pray, but He is completing a work that he began! God is faithful and He does not allow anything to happen that is not / cannot be used for HIS good.
Yes, the events of becoming "single again" were life changing and very hurtful, however they do not have to dictate how I live today nor dictate my future. After talking with a friend yesterday, I was encouraged to stop looking at the present events thru the "filter of the past" - but rather trusting that whatever is going to happen, I need to have Faith that Father God loves me and will use whatever is ahead. Its time to be free of the past once and for all .. to dump that burden at the foot of the cross once and for all.
What I have been doing, is everytime a new hurt comes along.. instead of just dealing with that hurt ( ie my grandma dying) - I would then add that to the other hurts and it would become "bigger". I was not just grieving the death of my dear grandma, but I was also "adding up" in my head all the losses that have happened and then I end up taking a downward spiral.
Thanks R for your continued encouragement and pushing to walk in truth!
Today, I am choosing to walk differently ( and yes, I am aware that it will take time to learn to walk this new way) - but I am purposing to look thru the filter of Jesus and the cross and not the filter of the past. Here's to new beginnings ... til next time, jackie
We are not promised an "easy road", in fact we are promised trials and pressures .. so why do I continually be surprised by the "crap" that comes my way? I am coming to understand that I am "surprised" and left discouraged when I cant seem to see things from God's perspective.
I tend to look at my circumstances from my view point, but forgetting all those times that I have prayed - "continue to prepare me for what you want ... make me into a godly woman.... continue your loving, refining process ... " YES those are all very dangerous prayers to pray, but He is completing a work that he began! God is faithful and He does not allow anything to happen that is not / cannot be used for HIS good.
Yes, the events of becoming "single again" were life changing and very hurtful, however they do not have to dictate how I live today nor dictate my future. After talking with a friend yesterday, I was encouraged to stop looking at the present events thru the "filter of the past" - but rather trusting that whatever is going to happen, I need to have Faith that Father God loves me and will use whatever is ahead. Its time to be free of the past once and for all .. to dump that burden at the foot of the cross once and for all.
What I have been doing, is everytime a new hurt comes along.. instead of just dealing with that hurt ( ie my grandma dying) - I would then add that to the other hurts and it would become "bigger". I was not just grieving the death of my dear grandma, but I was also "adding up" in my head all the losses that have happened and then I end up taking a downward spiral.
Thanks R for your continued encouragement and pushing to walk in truth!
Today, I am choosing to walk differently ( and yes, I am aware that it will take time to learn to walk this new way) - but I am purposing to look thru the filter of Jesus and the cross and not the filter of the past. Here's to new beginnings ... til next time, jackie
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
a few blogs to catch up ...
ok - so I tried myspace..didnt like it so much.. plus all I really wanted to do is blog.. so here is the last few blogs .... hope you enjoy reading!!
13 Aug 2008 - Get Up and Walk
Jesus says " Get up and Walk" - seems simple doesnt it? I always read that portion of scripture and was somewhat judgemental. "Who wouldnt want to get up and walk?" If I was lame and then healed, I sure would have been jumping up and down and running down the street. Oh really? I need to take all that judgement back... Over the past three years Father has done alot of healing in me.. and last week I was encouraged to "get up and walk". Hmmm, it would appear that one week later, I am still sitting here .. scared to get up.
So, what does get up and walk really mean? Well in my story, it means to be well. Take the steps Father is asking me to do. Continue with the "physiotherapy" and trust. It means, stop sitting there being sick. In another story, Jesus asks someone " do you want to be well?" ( again Jackie would have answered.. duh.. of course - who wouldnt want to be well?")
Now, there are alot of reasons and excuses for why people refuse to get up. I have been saying "I cant" but a good friend has said "no Jackie, you wont". He has said to me that I am still not ready to let go of what is comfortable. Yes, I am tired of sitting there and I want to be doing what Father has instore for me.. but to get to the next point.. I need to be ready to let go of what I have known for over 30 years.
I admit, I am scared.. but I know that until I do, I sit frustrated. (I have even been looking for other ways to be able to walk.. and it all leads to frustration!) Now, let's be honest, who wants to let go of their crutch if they dont know if their legs will hold them right? But, until we do, we continue to miss out what is ahead.
I realise this blog isnt going to make sense to everyone, and that is ok.. as it is mostly for me anyways. But, I am also positive that I am not the only one that struggles with this. Most of us have something that we are still not willing to let go of; or maybe Father is asking you to get up and jump up on the surgery table. It is time to cut away something that is no longer needed for His purpose ..( ok.. who's ready to go under the knife of our loving God?)
Jesus has not given us a spirit of Fear... so why are we so chicken? That's the bottom line right? Too scared to take that step away from, or let go of what we know. So, what are we scared of? Where are we putting our trust? In myself?
Let's go with the biggest one for me - fear of rejection and more hurt. Why would I willing put myself out there , waiting to be rejected again? BUT, if this is the way that I am going to live the rest of my days, then that means that I am focusing on ME and I am not walking in the spirit, but rather in the flesh. Trying to protect Jackie at all costs. Which, ultimately, results in defeat and frustration - death, not life.
I heard a speaker who told the story of playing in the pool with his two children. (Forgive me if I dont get the story exactly how it was said). While playing, his son was having a great time jumping from the side of the pool into his Daddy's arms. However, his daughter was too scared to try.
Isnt that like us? Our Abba Daddy is standing there saying "jump - I will catch you" and we are too scared. Pastor Frank Freidmann goes on to say, that if we are "scared to jump" this means we believe one of two things - 1.We dont trust that Father wants to catch us or 2. We doubt that Father CAN catch us.
Until we are ready to trust the one who created us and gave His son's life for us... we will continue to be "lame" and be left sitting on the side of the road missing out. There is nothing that we need or are in need of that Father doesnt promise me. Ps 23:1 "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want".
That's all for now, jackie
12 Aug 2008 - Without Him I Can Do Nothing ...
Today is a day that I am aware that I need Jesus to get thru this day. Nothing major is going to happen today ( that I foresee) but I am more aware of my own weakness today. (Itmight have something to do with the fact that I stayed up too late watching Olympics) But, it is vain to think that I, in myself am a "good mom"or a "good friend" I need to keep reminding myself, that if Jesus knew he could do NOTHING without the Father.. then the same goes for us ( John 15:5). I cannot be the mom I need to be - without Jesus. I cannot be the "loving neighbour or friend" that I should be - without Jesus.
I think that sometimes we have this list of things that we think is " Jesus stuff" and then we have this list of things that we think we have to handle on our own. So who decides what goes on what list? Could it be that Jesus is part of every decision and action anyways? Why not let him in on all the decisions as well?
I write this today as a reminder to me. I have realised that over the past few days, I have done alot out of " Jackie Strength" and that is not the way that Jesus wants it to be. HE lives in me, He is my life, so why not stay plugged into Him every moment of the day? (Not to mention, if I only spoke the words "out of Jesus strength" .. I wouldnt have near the amount of times that I ask myself "oh why did I just say that?"
Jesus says he wants to be involved in every area of our life. For, even if what I am trying to do is a "good and noble thing" ( eg . be a good friend by helping with the little kids) - If I do this in my own "jackie strength" - it is not pleasing to Jesus. Maybe Jesus wants me to stay home and spend time quiet before him instead of helping babysit? Maybe Jesus wants to do a work in my friend that day, and if I was to go help "relieve" her with the kids, maybe that gets in the way of my friend coming to know that she needs "JESUS to be mommy today"?
He wants to be our everything.. He wants us to be plugged in to him every moment of the day .. not trying and trying to do things in our own strength. This is the best way for us to let our light shine to those around us. To be used how HE wants to use us.
So that being said, I am going to be Mom today - plugged into Jesus. I am sure my kids will be glad for that!
Til next time - jackie
11 Aug 2008 - Where has the time gone?
As I was leaving Karen's house today, I was thinking about how excited her little girl Anna is about starting kindergarten. It seems like just a couple years ago, I packed my boy's bags with indoor running shoes and a snack, and sent them off to Mrs Haines' class. But that was 10 years ago, and this week I have to sit down and figure out who needs what for this upcoming school year. My boys are now starting High School. Where has the time gone?
Some days, I wish I could go back and redo it. To take time to enjoy all the littleents and not be in such a hurry. Remember when they were babies? How we got so excited when they said their first word, took their first step.. and we could hardly wait until they were out of diapers and starting to put on their own shoes...
But today, I am wishing I could go back and redo some of those moments. To really enjoy sitting and watching Barney and learning to count; to enjoy the cuddles all I can, to stop worrying about getting dishes done and to just sit and read a book. If only we could know what we know now to redo life again...
Matthew, my oldest, told me yesterday that in 18 months he can drive.... WHAT>??? I am not ready to be mom of a driver that is foresure!!
Our time with our children is short, and I need to remember to make the most of each of the moments that I have with my children. It seems like we have gone from a home with babies and toddlers - to a home with teen agers - as quick as over night!! Where has all the time gone? I am purposing to make the most of the next few years, because all too soon, they will be graduating high school, moving on to bigger things .. and I will then once again ask "Where has all the time gone?"
That's all for today, til next time - jackie
06 Aug 2008 - What’s on your fix it list?
I was wondering today, how long are other people's lists of the things you would like to change about yourself? I know my list seems to get longer and longer every day. But, then I need to stop and ask myself, "What if nothing on that list ever changes? Do I accept me for me inspite of the flaws?"
Have you ever taken the time to ask Jesus what He has to say about your "fix it list?" Maybe you think that is something that He isnt even interested in hearing about.. that is a lie. He wants us to take EVERY burden to him... take EVERY thought to him ...
Are those items on your list really there because God has laid them on your heart or is that your own personal opinion and estimated worth of the value of HIS MASTERPIECE?
Are you still living with this lie that you are not acceptable until you fix that list? These are just some of the questions I have been thinking about over the past few days. What if Father God asked you " do you like you?" How would you respond? (Notice I didnt ask " do you love yourself?")
As I have been reading the book " Abba's Child" by Brennan Manning, I have been challenged to see things from Father's perspective, and this has made me do ALOT of thinking, so be ready for several blogs on this very issue for the next while.
My point of this entry is not to make anyone feel bad about having "their list" - I have my own list to, but I have been challenged to take time to ask God what HIS list is.. and I think that we would all be surprised at what He would have at the top of is list. Perhaps He would have one thing on His list.. and that would simply read " Get to know me".
Before I close for today, here is a quote that I just love .."All I am or ever hope to be is in Him. without Him I am nothing, with him, I am everything, and when I am not "everything" He loves me still!"
For now, jackie
13 Aug 2008 - Get Up and Walk
Jesus says " Get up and Walk" - seems simple doesnt it? I always read that portion of scripture and was somewhat judgemental. "Who wouldnt want to get up and walk?" If I was lame and then healed, I sure would have been jumping up and down and running down the street. Oh really? I need to take all that judgement back... Over the past three years Father has done alot of healing in me.. and last week I was encouraged to "get up and walk". Hmmm, it would appear that one week later, I am still sitting here .. scared to get up.
So, what does get up and walk really mean? Well in my story, it means to be well. Take the steps Father is asking me to do. Continue with the "physiotherapy" and trust. It means, stop sitting there being sick. In another story, Jesus asks someone " do you want to be well?" ( again Jackie would have answered.. duh.. of course - who wouldnt want to be well?")
Now, there are alot of reasons and excuses for why people refuse to get up. I have been saying "I cant" but a good friend has said "no Jackie, you wont". He has said to me that I am still not ready to let go of what is comfortable. Yes, I am tired of sitting there and I want to be doing what Father has instore for me.. but to get to the next point.. I need to be ready to let go of what I have known for over 30 years.
I admit, I am scared.. but I know that until I do, I sit frustrated. (I have even been looking for other ways to be able to walk.. and it all leads to frustration!) Now, let's be honest, who wants to let go of their crutch if they dont know if their legs will hold them right? But, until we do, we continue to miss out what is ahead.
I realise this blog isnt going to make sense to everyone, and that is ok.. as it is mostly for me anyways. But, I am also positive that I am not the only one that struggles with this. Most of us have something that we are still not willing to let go of; or maybe Father is asking you to get up and jump up on the surgery table. It is time to cut away something that is no longer needed for His purpose ..( ok.. who's ready to go under the knife of our loving God?)
Jesus has not given us a spirit of Fear... so why are we so chicken? That's the bottom line right? Too scared to take that step away from, or let go of what we know. So, what are we scared of? Where are we putting our trust? In myself?
Let's go with the biggest one for me - fear of rejection and more hurt. Why would I willing put myself out there , waiting to be rejected again? BUT, if this is the way that I am going to live the rest of my days, then that means that I am focusing on ME and I am not walking in the spirit, but rather in the flesh. Trying to protect Jackie at all costs. Which, ultimately, results in defeat and frustration - death, not life.
I heard a speaker who told the story of playing in the pool with his two children. (Forgive me if I dont get the story exactly how it was said). While playing, his son was having a great time jumping from the side of the pool into his Daddy's arms. However, his daughter was too scared to try.
Isnt that like us? Our Abba Daddy is standing there saying "jump - I will catch you" and we are too scared. Pastor Frank Freidmann goes on to say, that if we are "scared to jump" this means we believe one of two things - 1.We dont trust that Father wants to catch us or 2. We doubt that Father CAN catch us.
Until we are ready to trust the one who created us and gave His son's life for us... we will continue to be "lame" and be left sitting on the side of the road missing out. There is nothing that we need or are in need of that Father doesnt promise me. Ps 23:1 "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want".
That's all for now, jackie
12 Aug 2008 - Without Him I Can Do Nothing ...
Today is a day that I am aware that I need Jesus to get thru this day. Nothing major is going to happen today ( that I foresee) but I am more aware of my own weakness today. (Itmight have something to do with the fact that I stayed up too late watching Olympics) But, it is vain to think that I, in myself am a "good mom"or a "good friend" I need to keep reminding myself, that if Jesus knew he could do NOTHING without the Father.. then the same goes for us ( John 15:5). I cannot be the mom I need to be - without Jesus. I cannot be the "loving neighbour or friend" that I should be - without Jesus.
I think that sometimes we have this list of things that we think is " Jesus stuff" and then we have this list of things that we think we have to handle on our own. So who decides what goes on what list? Could it be that Jesus is part of every decision and action anyways? Why not let him in on all the decisions as well?
I write this today as a reminder to me. I have realised that over the past few days, I have done alot out of " Jackie Strength" and that is not the way that Jesus wants it to be. HE lives in me, He is my life, so why not stay plugged into Him every moment of the day? (Not to mention, if I only spoke the words "out of Jesus strength" .. I wouldnt have near the amount of times that I ask myself "oh why did I just say that?"
Jesus says he wants to be involved in every area of our life. For, even if what I am trying to do is a "good and noble thing" ( eg . be a good friend by helping with the little kids) - If I do this in my own "jackie strength" - it is not pleasing to Jesus. Maybe Jesus wants me to stay home and spend time quiet before him instead of helping babysit? Maybe Jesus wants to do a work in my friend that day, and if I was to go help "relieve" her with the kids, maybe that gets in the way of my friend coming to know that she needs "JESUS to be mommy today"?
He wants to be our everything.. He wants us to be plugged in to him every moment of the day .. not trying and trying to do things in our own strength. This is the best way for us to let our light shine to those around us. To be used how HE wants to use us.
So that being said, I am going to be Mom today - plugged into Jesus. I am sure my kids will be glad for that!
Til next time - jackie
11 Aug 2008 - Where has the time gone?
As I was leaving Karen's house today, I was thinking about how excited her little girl Anna is about starting kindergarten. It seems like just a couple years ago, I packed my boy's bags with indoor running shoes and a snack, and sent them off to Mrs Haines' class. But that was 10 years ago, and this week I have to sit down and figure out who needs what for this upcoming school year. My boys are now starting High School. Where has the time gone?
Some days, I wish I could go back and redo it. To take time to enjoy all the littleents and not be in such a hurry. Remember when they were babies? How we got so excited when they said their first word, took their first step.. and we could hardly wait until they were out of diapers and starting to put on their own shoes...
But today, I am wishing I could go back and redo some of those moments. To really enjoy sitting and watching Barney and learning to count; to enjoy the cuddles all I can, to stop worrying about getting dishes done and to just sit and read a book. If only we could know what we know now to redo life again...
Matthew, my oldest, told me yesterday that in 18 months he can drive.... WHAT>??? I am not ready to be mom of a driver that is foresure!!
Our time with our children is short, and I need to remember to make the most of each of the moments that I have with my children. It seems like we have gone from a home with babies and toddlers - to a home with teen agers - as quick as over night!! Where has all the time gone? I am purposing to make the most of the next few years, because all too soon, they will be graduating high school, moving on to bigger things .. and I will then once again ask "Where has all the time gone?"
That's all for today, til next time - jackie
06 Aug 2008 - What’s on your fix it list?
I was wondering today, how long are other people's lists of the things you would like to change about yourself? I know my list seems to get longer and longer every day. But, then I need to stop and ask myself, "What if nothing on that list ever changes? Do I accept me for me inspite of the flaws?"
Have you ever taken the time to ask Jesus what He has to say about your "fix it list?" Maybe you think that is something that He isnt even interested in hearing about.. that is a lie. He wants us to take EVERY burden to him... take EVERY thought to him ...
Are those items on your list really there because God has laid them on your heart or is that your own personal opinion and estimated worth of the value of HIS MASTERPIECE?
Are you still living with this lie that you are not acceptable until you fix that list? These are just some of the questions I have been thinking about over the past few days. What if Father God asked you " do you like you?" How would you respond? (Notice I didnt ask " do you love yourself?")
As I have been reading the book " Abba's Child" by Brennan Manning, I have been challenged to see things from Father's perspective, and this has made me do ALOT of thinking, so be ready for several blogs on this very issue for the next while.
My point of this entry is not to make anyone feel bad about having "their list" - I have my own list to, but I have been challenged to take time to ask God what HIS list is.. and I think that we would all be surprised at what He would have at the top of is list. Perhaps He would have one thing on His list.. and that would simply read " Get to know me".
Before I close for today, here is a quote that I just love .."All I am or ever hope to be is in Him. without Him I am nothing, with him, I am everything, and when I am not "everything" He loves me still!"
For now, jackie
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