This will be a shorter post today, as I am still thinking on the topic at hand. What is it that you are fearful of? For most women there is something.
A very good friend of mine asked me this weekend, "and what is the impact you are so scared of?" This got me thinking about different times throughout my life that I verbally express the willingness to do something; but inside I was terrified to take that step.
Why is it that we let the fear get in the way of the "call" from Father? People are scared to have children, so they put it off. People are scared to fly, so they stay home. The biggest one that keeps repeating itself in my office is the Fear of Failure.
So many women are scared to fail, scared to look dumb, scared they won't quite "measure up"; so they refuse to take that risk. I am in that group of women by the way.
This time, I refused to give in to the fear, but dont let these "steps of bravery" fool you; I am still fearful. What if I fail at losing this weight? What if I gain weight? What if I lose friends when they find out JUST how heavy I had let myself get to?
John is a wonderful book about love. In there we read "perfect love casts out fear". We also read "the one who fears is not perfected in love".
If we really knew just how loved and acceptable we are; we would not let fear get in the way of anything.
This week, as you begin whatever it is that Father has called you to do: whether its school, parenting, employment, meeting a neighbour, giving a testimony, leaving your baby with a babysitter for the first time, letting your teenager take the car for the first time... remember this...
"The one who fears; is NOT perfected in love ..."
That's all for now, and til next time ... REST in Him
Jacqueline
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Funny The "Nightmares" We Write ...
Please forgive the many posts this week, there is no doubt that they will begin to be less frequent as the "newness" of this all fades.
Last night I asked Father to please wake me on mornings that the goal is to go to Curves; to remind me why I am getting up that extra hour earlier; and to please speak truth into the many doubts and fears that were looming.
This morning not only was I awake early; but much earlier than the alarm. I stepped outside to watch the beautiful huge snowflakes fall; and quietly I am sure I heard "see daughter, you are unique just like them".
As I drove to Curves, I began to write "the nightmare". I know that you know exactly what I mean. This is when we walk out a situation with the very worst ending possible. In fact, by the time I got to Curves I had envisioned a machine I was working on breaking down and then me dying from a heartattack ( I know, how pathetic is that). The only good thing that came from that, was the ending could only have gotten better from what I had imagined :)
I was scared to step on the scale, it had been since the end of October since I last did; and while I was getting on the scale, Father gently poked me to go ahead and get measured as well. I sucked in my breath and whispered to the lovely staff member, "would you mind taking the time to do a measure?". The little girl of a whole size 4 gladly agreed and there I went, ready to die of humiliation. After it was all said and done, I looked at the chart from October and surprisingly I saw that I had lost inches and 4 pounds. Well, what was all hat fretting about?
I whispered a thank you to Jesus, and as I began the warm up stretches, He whispered back, "what if you would have gained 4lbs since last time, would you still be thanking me for being part of this? Would you still be willing to post the results on the blog?" I promised to be transparent, but yes, He is right. It is way easier to be honest when the results are what we had hoped for; (and there is now shame linked to those results).
Won't you please pray that we will be honest and transparent with each other with our struggles? That we strive not for the praises of man, but yet we know how to love each other. To build one another up, and yet, know when to speak truth as well.
Father thank you that you are always reminding us of the truth. Thank you that you are in us and we are in you - safe and secure no matter what! I thank you that you understand us, and you know everything about us and love us still! Continue your work within us, for we know that you are doing a good thing in each of us and will complete it in your time! Amen.
That's all for now, Til next time ...
In Him
Jacqueline
Last night I asked Father to please wake me on mornings that the goal is to go to Curves; to remind me why I am getting up that extra hour earlier; and to please speak truth into the many doubts and fears that were looming.
This morning not only was I awake early; but much earlier than the alarm. I stepped outside to watch the beautiful huge snowflakes fall; and quietly I am sure I heard "see daughter, you are unique just like them".
As I drove to Curves, I began to write "the nightmare". I know that you know exactly what I mean. This is when we walk out a situation with the very worst ending possible. In fact, by the time I got to Curves I had envisioned a machine I was working on breaking down and then me dying from a heartattack ( I know, how pathetic is that). The only good thing that came from that, was the ending could only have gotten better from what I had imagined :)
I was scared to step on the scale, it had been since the end of October since I last did; and while I was getting on the scale, Father gently poked me to go ahead and get measured as well. I sucked in my breath and whispered to the lovely staff member, "would you mind taking the time to do a measure?". The little girl of a whole size 4 gladly agreed and there I went, ready to die of humiliation. After it was all said and done, I looked at the chart from October and surprisingly I saw that I had lost inches and 4 pounds. Well, what was all hat fretting about?
I whispered a thank you to Jesus, and as I began the warm up stretches, He whispered back, "what if you would have gained 4lbs since last time, would you still be thanking me for being part of this? Would you still be willing to post the results on the blog?" I promised to be transparent, but yes, He is right. It is way easier to be honest when the results are what we had hoped for; (and there is now shame linked to those results).
Won't you please pray that we will be honest and transparent with each other with our struggles? That we strive not for the praises of man, but yet we know how to love each other. To build one another up, and yet, know when to speak truth as well.
Father thank you that you are always reminding us of the truth. Thank you that you are in us and we are in you - safe and secure no matter what! I thank you that you understand us, and you know everything about us and love us still! Continue your work within us, for we know that you are doing a good thing in each of us and will complete it in your time! Amen.
That's all for now, Til next time ...
In Him
Jacqueline
Thursday, January 27, 2011
What's holding you back?
Not many months ago, I wanted to go on a mini vacation. We had not been on a holiday in 6 years, and there was an opportunity to go somewhere fairly inexpensive; what stopped us from going you ask? I didnt have a passport.
At first that sounds like a fairly innocent answer, but it goes much deeper than that. You see, I didnt have a passport (nor do I to this day) because one of the blanks to be filled in on the passport application form was weight. So, I have yet to apply for a passport, and because of that, it has held me back from several opportunities, short mission trip with school and conferences.
Today, I realized for me, the shame of my weight has held me back from several things (more to be shared in upcoming blog posts). But what I wonder is, what is it that is holding you back? Maybe its not weight for you? Maybe its shame in another name? Maybe its past mistakes? Perhaps it's all those "should'ves and could'ves" that keep coming back to haunt you? What burden are you needlessly carrying?
Admittedly, not everyone is asked to be transparent on Facebook and Blogger, but we are asked to be honest. I believe only when we begin to admit truth, can we begin to be free.
You see, I am aware that we are not defined by the amount of pounds we weigh; nor are we defined by the ways in the past we may have chosen to meet our needs. We are free from that.
I am a new creation and I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ is the only one that can truly meet any need that I am longing to have met; and His ultimate desire for me is that I be free.
When Jesus told Lazarus to come forth, Lazarus had a new chance at life. He was alive! How similar to him are you and I who are in Christ?
We have been given a new life (Praise God)!
But the story doesnt end there. After Lazarus came forth, Jesus continued with asking those around him to unwrap him from his old, smelly, rotten grave clothes. You see, that even though Lazarus was alive; he was still in bondage. He needed to be free from those grave clothes.
What do your "grave clothes" look like? What is it that is holding you back from experiencing total freedom that is yours to have? For me, it would seem Father is telling me it is the number of pounds that I weigh.And, probably more importantly, it is the shame and "power" that that number has had on me.
John 8:33 tells us that the truth will set us free; therefore we can conclude that lies then will keep us in bondage. What my friend is the truth? How free do you really feel? Once I started letting myself face my true feelings about my weight, I realized it is affecting me in more ways I could have imagined. Ask Him what it is that is getting in the way of you experience Him? of you experiencing His grace?
Father, I believe your desire for all of us is to be more free. I pray that each one reading this will seek you and will quietly wait to hear what you lovingly want to tell them.
Thank you for making us brand new and for accepting us as we are in you!
That's all for now, til next time.
Jacqueline
At first that sounds like a fairly innocent answer, but it goes much deeper than that. You see, I didnt have a passport (nor do I to this day) because one of the blanks to be filled in on the passport application form was weight. So, I have yet to apply for a passport, and because of that, it has held me back from several opportunities, short mission trip with school and conferences.
Today, I realized for me, the shame of my weight has held me back from several things (more to be shared in upcoming blog posts). But what I wonder is, what is it that is holding you back? Maybe its not weight for you? Maybe its shame in another name? Maybe its past mistakes? Perhaps it's all those "should'ves and could'ves" that keep coming back to haunt you? What burden are you needlessly carrying?
Admittedly, not everyone is asked to be transparent on Facebook and Blogger, but we are asked to be honest. I believe only when we begin to admit truth, can we begin to be free.
You see, I am aware that we are not defined by the amount of pounds we weigh; nor are we defined by the ways in the past we may have chosen to meet our needs. We are free from that.
I am a new creation and I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ is the only one that can truly meet any need that I am longing to have met; and His ultimate desire for me is that I be free.
When Jesus told Lazarus to come forth, Lazarus had a new chance at life. He was alive! How similar to him are you and I who are in Christ?
We have been given a new life (Praise God)!
But the story doesnt end there. After Lazarus came forth, Jesus continued with asking those around him to unwrap him from his old, smelly, rotten grave clothes. You see, that even though Lazarus was alive; he was still in bondage. He needed to be free from those grave clothes.
What do your "grave clothes" look like? What is it that is holding you back from experiencing total freedom that is yours to have? For me, it would seem Father is telling me it is the number of pounds that I weigh.And, probably more importantly, it is the shame and "power" that that number has had on me.
John 8:33 tells us that the truth will set us free; therefore we can conclude that lies then will keep us in bondage. What my friend is the truth? How free do you really feel? Once I started letting myself face my true feelings about my weight, I realized it is affecting me in more ways I could have imagined. Ask Him what it is that is getting in the way of you experience Him? of you experiencing His grace?
Father, I believe your desire for all of us is to be more free. I pray that each one reading this will seek you and will quietly wait to hear what you lovingly want to tell them.
Thank you for making us brand new and for accepting us as we are in you!
That's all for now, til next time.
Jacqueline
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
No ... I am not brave
The comments and encouragement has been so very overwhelming today. I promised to be transparent - so here goes. I am absolutely terrified at what I have begun. Do I know it is the right thing to do? yes. Am I fully equipped with the God of all grace and peace to walk this journey? yes.
I have come to realize that though I have taken a first step in this journey of to "Freedom from Weight", the hard part is still to come.
Today I have been reminded that God who has asked this of me, will be faithful in doing so; and yet I tremble.
I tremble at coming to terms with being even more transparent; I tremble with not knowing the words to say when asked "why"; I tremble at admitting the "number" which the scale says.
As I tremble, Moses came to mind, if you please forgive the freedom I am taking in this writing, let me paraphrase Exodus 4: 10-12
"Then Jacqueline said to God, Please God, do I have to admit how high my weight has gotten to be? Am I really going to be of help to others in this? I have never been eloquent, neither am I now or have I ever been. I am slow to learn, I do not know much about losing weight or eating healthy... And God said to Jacqueline, Who made you? who has given you a mouth? who makes those who are sick, those who are now overweight or those who are healthy; who will take care of them and love them unconditionally? Is it not I who is in control and equipping you, walking each step of this journey with you? Is it not I the Lord?
Now go, keep walking, even I will be with your feet, your mouth and fingers to type; I will show you and teach you what to say (what to do and what to eat)"
Father in obedience I follow you; I surrender and I want all of my pride to be gone. Please remind me of your truths that it matters very little what others say or think; but what you say/think is what matters. You know how I have failed, you know where I am weak .. I trust in you and not on my own understanding! Amen (my paraphrase from Corinthians and Proverbs).
That's all for now.
In Him
Jacqueline
I have come to realize that though I have taken a first step in this journey of to "Freedom from Weight", the hard part is still to come.
Today I have been reminded that God who has asked this of me, will be faithful in doing so; and yet I tremble.
I tremble at coming to terms with being even more transparent; I tremble with not knowing the words to say when asked "why"; I tremble at admitting the "number" which the scale says.
As I tremble, Moses came to mind, if you please forgive the freedom I am taking in this writing, let me paraphrase Exodus 4: 10-12
"Then Jacqueline said to God, Please God, do I have to admit how high my weight has gotten to be? Am I really going to be of help to others in this? I have never been eloquent, neither am I now or have I ever been. I am slow to learn, I do not know much about losing weight or eating healthy... And God said to Jacqueline, Who made you? who has given you a mouth? who makes those who are sick, those who are now overweight or those who are healthy; who will take care of them and love them unconditionally? Is it not I who is in control and equipping you, walking each step of this journey with you? Is it not I the Lord?
Now go, keep walking, even I will be with your feet, your mouth and fingers to type; I will show you and teach you what to say (what to do and what to eat)"
Father in obedience I follow you; I surrender and I want all of my pride to be gone. Please remind me of your truths that it matters very little what others say or think; but what you say/think is what matters. You know how I have failed, you know where I am weak .. I trust in you and not on my own understanding! Amen (my paraphrase from Corinthians and Proverbs).
That's all for now.
In Him
Jacqueline
Weight of Grace
Well friends, if you have been following me on Facebook you will be very aware of the next step of my journey.
It has been several weeks now that during (and after) appointments Father has lovingly been poking me to be "more transparent"; just as I ask the women I meet with to be. I have dodged this for weeks, and then when challenged at church by Pastor Craig Groeshel's teaching; I realized I was being fearful and yet proud. So, here I am before my friends and acquaintances stepping up and being transparent. I have no other motive than that. I am not doing it for accountability (although I believe I am accountable); I am not doing it to teach (although I believe we all can be more teachable) and I am not doing this to be more loved (although as most women, there is always more to learn about just how loved we are already).
Father has lovingly done much healing in me over the last number of years and it is now time to focus on another area of "Jacqueline".
So wont you please walk along side of me as I take this journey.
I have yet to set any sort of number goals, but we will see where that goes. I will (as promised) be honest on this blog (as well as on Facebook)with progress; but I do wish to be very clear that for me - this is not about a number. It is walking in GRACE .. .Walking by FAITH ... learning more about walking in LOVE .... and learning to enjoy and take care of this "Earthsuit"; that is this body that Father has given me.
From time to time I may be quoting from a book that has meant alot to me by Paula Coleman "Weight of Grace".
Thanks for being my "Friend" in this; lets begin the walk of "Weight of Grace" and see what happens.
That's all for now
Jacqueline
It has been several weeks now that during (and after) appointments Father has lovingly been poking me to be "more transparent"; just as I ask the women I meet with to be. I have dodged this for weeks, and then when challenged at church by Pastor Craig Groeshel's teaching; I realized I was being fearful and yet proud. So, here I am before my friends and acquaintances stepping up and being transparent. I have no other motive than that. I am not doing it for accountability (although I believe I am accountable); I am not doing it to teach (although I believe we all can be more teachable) and I am not doing this to be more loved (although as most women, there is always more to learn about just how loved we are already).
Father has lovingly done much healing in me over the last number of years and it is now time to focus on another area of "Jacqueline".
So wont you please walk along side of me as I take this journey.
I have yet to set any sort of number goals, but we will see where that goes. I will (as promised) be honest on this blog (as well as on Facebook)with progress; but I do wish to be very clear that for me - this is not about a number. It is walking in GRACE .. .Walking by FAITH ... learning more about walking in LOVE .... and learning to enjoy and take care of this "Earthsuit"; that is this body that Father has given me.
From time to time I may be quoting from a book that has meant alot to me by Paula Coleman "Weight of Grace".
Thanks for being my "Friend" in this; lets begin the walk of "Weight of Grace" and see what happens.
That's all for now
Jacqueline
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