So, Here I Am ...

Last January I started a new leg of my journey. At Father's prompting, I began to be more transparent about my thoughts, feelings and the work that Father is doing in me. I fought this for a while as some of what Father was asking me to be transparent about were secret thoughts that noone knew. (There are still days that I wonder what exactly Father is hoping to accomplish through me being transparent).

I have not been completely honest as of late, with my journey with the weight loss. My initial goal was 20 lbs before graduation. I reached 19lbs and then out of fear of failing, I never went in to weigh again before grad. I didnt want the number on the scale to ruin my grad day. After that, I did gain a few pounds after being on my short little holiday, but since then, I have let my fear get in the way of being transparent. I honestly don't know where I am at (number wise), but I do know this - in this time Father has shown me that there is still a deeper work that He wants to do in me. He has promised to further sanctify me through and through - SPIRIT SOUL AND BODY (I Thess 5:23). If stepping on the scale has that much power over me; then there is much more to be learned of His great love for me.

If I am nervous to admit mistakes to my boss, then there is much more to be learned; if I am striving to maintain some sense of "acceptability" in my performance; then I have yet to know how very acceptable and loved I really am. If I can't say no without feeling guilty, then I need to sit and hear from Father what that is all about.

I was reading today a verse that I blogged about back in January. The verses are found in 1 John. This time I will quote from the New Living Translation:
3:1 - see how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are ...
3:16 - we know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us
4:7 - love comes from God
4:17 ... as we live in God, our love grows more perfect
4:18 .. God's kind of love is perfect; expels ALL fear. If we are afraid it is fear ... this shows that we have not fully experienced HIS perfect love

So, today I lay it all out there; here I Am. I am keeping my promise to be transparent. Jacqueline has much to learn about the love of Father. Jacqueline is still very hurt by people who let her down; Jacqueline is still learning what it means to accept herself and Jacqueline many times, does not experience rest because she is still trying to achieve and earn. (Hebrews 4:10 - those who have entered rest have ceased from their own striving).

I know that none of this surprises Father, for He knows me in and out; perhaps some of you are surprised however? Last count there are about 60 of you who read this every day. I pray that as you read this, you ask Father to show you the depth of your own heart.

I am sorry if you are disappointed in what you have read today; for as one woman wrote to me: "Jacqueline, you seem to have arrived with knowing the heart of Jesus". No, dear sister - far from it. I do apologize if I have let on that I know all there is to know about His love for me. That would be a great tragedy if you only came to know the love of the Father to the degree that I do.

Please hear my heart, I mean everything I say to you when I urge you to run to Jesus. I know Jesus is the answer; however, I have yet learned to rest. But, in this, He is breaking down all those walls one by one. My journey is not over; I have not arrived. But He is changing me from glory to glory. This is where I am, and we are all a work in progress (Phil 1:6 tells us it is a GOOD work; one which Father himself will complete).

I close with this additional verse found in 1 John 5:15 "We know that He hears us when we make our requests known .. we also know that He will give us what we ask for"

Father, it is my desire that we come to know you. To know you more than to lose weight or to become more "acceptable" in our own eyes. Show us all the depth of your love for us. That we may know you.

Take a few minutes to watch the video "The Inheritance" by Graham Cooke (found on Youtube). I am going to post it on my facebook page under this blog post for your convenience.

Til Next Time

Jacqueline